A Requiem To A Theme.....

Wow, there are so many deep thoughts floating around the PRB* today!  It as is if a lot of people are sneaking into my mind and tossing my thoughts out onto their own blogs....damned carrot thieves ;).  But before I start waxing all prosaic, I just need to mention that I had to go to Blizzard for the second time this week today and as I was leaving saw a car with the license plate that said "1PWN3D".  I thought of certain people who hate the l337 speak, hahahahaha!

There's been this theme in my emails and bloggettes over the last few days so I thought that I would dig deep and talk about something that has been on my mind lately....popularity and what that means exactly.  Yesterday, someone called me popular and I immediately got my feathers ruffled and got in a dander because I took it as a negative connotation, which was not said persons intent at all.  She and I have had emails about it and we be coo....but I have to bring it up here to illustrate some points.  Popularity has almost had sort of a negative connotation in my mind until I really thought about it tonight and realized that a person or thing can be popular without being negative at the same time, but it took me a while to get to that point due to echos of the past.

In high school, being popular usually meant that you were one of the beautiful people - skinny and cute.  I was cute but never skinny, although now I would kill to be a size 12.  I had friends and even hung with some of the very popular people but the only way I managed that was by digging into my personality and always being "on" which was draining at that young age.  Hell, it is easier to do now but I won't unless absolutely necessary.  It just felt like such a struggle to be in that upper echelon of people roaming the halls of high school and in the last year, I failed because I just could not put on my happy face and dance anymore.  Not many people know this, but I actually quit high school halfway through my senior year and got my GED and no, not because I was stupid but because I could not stand the politics of high school anymore.  Damn, I just realized I've been a non-conformist for a really long time, LOL. 

Another recent negative connotation (which is going to get me in trouble but I don't care cause I am fucking sick of it) is a group of people on a message board that a ton of my readers used to go to a lot.  These are a group of people who are very much like the mafia....they do well to members of their crew but shit on and make fun of anyone who is not (quote) cool enough to understand or sit with them at the cool kids' table (/quote).  I made the quotes that way because that is seriously what a few of their websites say when describing their group.  "If you are not cool enough to know what it means, then you are probably not cool enough to be in our clique".  Holy fucking shit, how old are we?  You know, I have been a member of an email group called The Power Fraus for over a year and a half now and we have never ever ever torn anyone down or told them that if they could not guess what PFC stands for, then they were not cool enough to be in our club.  Theoretically, these are women who probably were not popular in high school nor are they in real life, so they now feel "a part of" and are experiencing their first taste of the sweet sweet blood of tearing someone down.  It sickens me and what is worse is that they will defend their right to be bitches to the death.  Now, I like some of the women in this group so I am not going to use "all or none" but mainly, that group of people has turned me off to the whole concept of "popular".  Seriously, I am almost 35 fucking years old...what do I care about who sits at what table? I'd rather be at the one with Veronica Mars and Wallace Fennell anyway.

All of this was swirling through my mind last night when I was talking to Foo and we were reading each other our site meter stats, coming to the realization that our sites kinda are popular.....but not in a negative way.  Hell, I would love it if I got 400 hits an hour but not because I need affirmation, rather because if I can help anyone in any way possible, then so be it.  If I can use my powers for good, I am gonna go get a Plus Sized Cape and Wonder Woman suit today ;).  There is a way to be both "popular" and kind-hearted.  I honestly think that the only people that should be labeled with that term are the ones who have tons of friends or readers because they are super nice and care about others and are supah-cool.  Which begs another question that I get asked a lot.

Person:  Hil, you are around so many types of people from Blizzard geeks to product-label whores...what exactly defines cool in your mind?
Me:  Cool isn't the fact that you are wearing a WoW Tshirt and Birks versus Prada shoes and a Kate Spade bag....cool isn't listening to soft music that feels good versus the radness of Yaz.....cool isn't anything but who you are inside and how you treat people.  I hang with people who are hard core rockabilly types (read my  hubby and his West Hollywood friends) to people who are beyond geekery but they are all fucking cool because they are down-to-earth, kind and honest....plus most people I know amuse the hell out of me and that is cool times ten.

We're not in high school anymore so none of the old rules apply.....remember to learn to love yourself no matter what you dress like or who you are because "cool" is just a state of mind and a simplified word used to describe many other things.  Fuck cliques, drama and feeling like an outcast because to someone, you are everything (such cheese but so true).  Oh and some people need to stop acting like they are perfect cause they are above drama blah blah blah...cut the shit, if you think it but still don't write it, you are not above it so just admit your shortcomings and then love your damned life!

The Summer Of My Discontent Kisses,
Me

*PRB = People's Republic of Blogistan as coined by Mr. Snackie

Comments

[Susi]

Just wanted to say I loved your post today :o)

[Maryann (Spinaltap)]

Your post today reminds me a lot of the song "Beautiful" by Christina Aguilera. I've always loved that song because I think it speaks to every woman - appreciate who you are and that you ARE beautiful because of who you are. I just got goosebumps reading your entry. You made me feel special and appreciate myself (even if it was only for a few minutes - then my boss brought me back to my insignificant reality, LOL).

Thanks for your insights today and every day. I read your site every day and I'm sorry if that makes you "popular." :) Have a great day!

Maryann

[catherinel67]

I love that you tell it like it is. I rarely post or even visit the 50+ board any more because I got so annoyed with the crap dealt by certain members of that group. There are quite a few who are awesome people and I really enjoy their blogs and find them inspirational. Then there are a few who I read occasionally read their blogs or posts just to confirm that I really don't like them so much. I hate segregation and discrimination and that is what they do...treat genuine, sincere people as second-class citizens. That's just wrong...virtually or in real life. I like coming here because I know there is no judgement and it is always real! Besides that...I get inspiration! You're awesome! Be blessed!

[Leslee]

I think I love you.

~Les

[jessica]

Well, I think you know how I feel about this.

Bottom line is... "beauty is in the eye of the beholder," and what one thinks is "cool" another might not. Along the same lines, some people might think it is cool to exhibit the behaviors above, but people who REALLY know the score know that it isn't the case... that that treatment is nothing more than a sign that things aren't right within.

Me? I try to be the Hard Rock Cafe of friendship - love all, serve all (get yer mind out of the gutter). I try to take people at face value and judge them as individuals based on how they treat others and themselves, rather than how their identified "label" thinks is okay.

To do anything else... well, you're just giving them too much power.

[Bean]

I second the no judgement thing. I love your blog and I love how you tell it like it is, but never NEVER never are you hurtful or make me feel like you are too much of an OC Princess to associate with this Canadian girl. I love that you post comments on my blog whether or not my entries are interesting or even sensible. I also second Les~ I think I love you too!
You Rawk!

[Rachel]

Amen and AMEN, HILLY! I hated those $!@#$^ in high school and I hate them today. Excellent post!

[adena]

I find I have little to no tolerance anymore for people that are fake and all about appearances, etc.

I'm much more content and happy around people who aren't full of themselves, are funny, and down to earth....it doesn't matter if they're wearing Kate Spade or playing D&D.

I DO have a cute pair of Kate Spade glasses, but that's about it on my brand name-ness.

Oh, and I LOOOOVE "Yaz"!

[KT]

popular. ugh. maked me think of the 8th grade assholios who were crueler than cruel to the fat girl.

hey. that was me!!!

[Karl]

Wow, you are so cool and popular it's scary. :)

Your secret Yaz admirer.

[metamorphose]

Very wise words! Love and agree with every bit!

[Sarah-LivingtoFeelGood]

All I have to say is "who cares". I'm so over the what's cool and how can I be popular. I just want support. Nice post today.

[beee]

I find that the older I get, the less important it is to be "popular" but I think there will always be an underlying desier to be so. I think its just part of human nature, to want to be the one that everyone loves and adores ;) At this point I am happy just being me and knowing that I am making a difference to at least a hand full of amazing people out there. Well I hope so anyway ;)

[Nicola]

Hrmmm, I've never really been popular but I've always been cool (in my own opinion of course).

I've also always though I was slimmer than I actually am, so maybe I'm just taking shit. But hey, cool shit! :)

[amy]

doesn't that behavior make you want to shout EVOLVE ALREADY! life's too short to spend it spitting hate into the world.

[Lorraine]

Loved this post too. LOL Les! I think you are very real in your writting and that is what make you "popular".
You speak to your audience and make sense to so many out there. You dont list your food intake for the day ::points at my guilty self:: because you know people don't care whether you ate a brocoli spear or a doughnut. You are way too cool for school girlie.

[Jamers]

So can I wear prada shoes with a WoW shirt? Cause you know I would.

[Hilly]

Jamers - I wore Seven jeans and a WoW staff t-shirt to Blizzcon, so yes...go ahead ;)

[lme (little miss ess)]

I so don't care if I'm cool or not. It is one of the benefits of getting older. I dress for me, I listen to what I want to listen to, read what I want to read, watch what I want to watch. I figure if someone has to point out that whatever it might be I'm doing that they think is uncool is uncool, then they're the ones with the problem, you know.

Wish I had had this wisdom back in high school. Would have made life much easier.

[Denise]

Keep on spelling it out straight, Hilly, that's why I love reading you!!!

[Kyra]

Hmmm wonder what happened that I missed this post yesterday? I must have been abducted by aliens again, damn them!

You know, I think there are two types of people; those who want to conform who create all types of cliques to be horrible to other people and make themselves feel better - or those who desire to be unique.

I was never cute and skinny either. But more than that, i couldn't STAND to be like everyone else. I sought out being myself, and being unique. Surprisingly, that pisses a lot of people off. (Doesn't change with age. Trust me, I live in friggen Stepfordville here. I'm afraid to leave my house for fear they'll turn me into an Xbox version of myself.)

It's my guess that you are a "unique" seeker as well. And those conformists were always jealous of those who were unique. ;)

[Shaunta]

Fantastic post, Hil! And I love your insight about those women probably just wanting to tear someone down online, because in their own real life they've never been popular.