And Now I'm Gonna Lay It Down For You....

I've really had a lot of life lessons over the last few days and I thought that I needed some time to seriously marinate on them and actually thought of making one of those randomly lame blog posts stating that I was "going away for awhile" and would be back when my head was out of my ass, but fuck that.  Something another blogger wrote about me today reminded me of the reason that I am here and the reason that I blog....it has nothing to do with needing attention or infamy, nothing to do with painting my life in shades of Michelangelo and definitely has nothing to do with pretending I don't get cut and bleed like everyone else. I blog because I need to get the shit festering in my head on to the written screen so that maybe one day I can succeed in being this person that I want to be, inside and out.  So yeah, I am here....not very pretty but not broken either.  My resilience has hastened with age, methinks ;).

"So Snackie-snactchie-poo, what hast thou learnst", you asked?  Well let me break it down for you.......

1.  Ripples come and ripples go in marriages; it is important that we all acknowledge that marriage is not always perfect and we are going to fight over stupid shit like the principals behind cheese-pie, but you know what?  That's okay as long as you can joke about it in the end AND as long as you realize that moods come and go but what you really need to pay attention to is the overall quality of the human being that you call your life-partner, boyfriend, girlfriend or in my case, husband. Another thing about marriage is, people are going to talk when they want to talk and giving someone space is an okay thing to do unless you let the void go for too long and get too big.  Sometimes I have to learn to swallow my pride and get over it, so yeah....learned that this weekend.

2.  Here's a shocker - not everyone thinks I am as fucking funny as I think I am!  Imagine the horror when I realized that, and although I am partially kidding, it was a horror.  I am not giving details so please no one ask but I really had a melt down last night and was crying hardcore over something between a friend and myself and it wasn't so much anything this person said or did to me; it was the realization that I go around assuming that everyone is as loosey goosey and "whatever-ish" with their lives as I am so I do these things that are supposed to be jokes or be funny but it ends up making the other party feel hurt and betrayed.  How the fuck can I not see that in myself?  Am I so fucking conceited or lost in my own mind that I don't realize that my actions negatively affect someone and just go ahead and do them because I would not care?  The big lesson I am still struggling with today is that the Golden Rule does not always apply because you cannot necessarily JUST  treat others how you would want to be treated - you have to find out how THEY would want to be treated and go from there.  The Golden Rule is a great starting place unless you are more easy-going than a character from "Half-Baked"; we're all different and I am kind of lost on this thing today but it will figure itself out in time like it all does.

3. I'm sad that I have spent so much timing getting to know so many people lately that I have neglected remembering who I am and who I want to be.  I've lost touch with my spirituality and my God.  I want to rekindle that, which means I need to step away from the PC now and again.  I saw Dave Chappelle on "Inside the Actor's Studio" last nght and he really was brilliantly talking about what made him snap and losing parts of himself and I was like, what the deuce???  I was identifying with Dave Chappelle???  Now I have another reason to like him besides the whole Wane Brady bit and that he plays WoW ;).

4. I've got at least one damned good friend who is not afraid to call me on my bullshit and that means the world to me.  My husband will do it; my sister will do it....but it has been a long time since someone actually told me that they had some harsh advice, asked if I wanted it, then gave it to me, so thanks Foo....I appreciate you more than you will ever know.

5.  I read different blogs for different reasons but I read them all.  I don't reply to blogs that just list what they ate that day cause seriously, I think those people are blogging for themselves and what am I going to say, "woo hoo, carrots!"???  But I am here and I read and I am always an email away for anyone of you at any time.  Please don't say that I am inaccessible because I have not commented on your blog for a month (a whole other story) because that is just not me.

6.  I will be 35 this year and yes, it makes a difference.  I find myself telling people that their 30's will open their eyes a LOT lately but no one can tell anyone in their 20's that shit and have them believe it.  I have no idea why I try like generations before me.

A friend of mine told me the other day that there is a difference between being sarcastic and being a bitch and that I was just sarcastic....but that maybe people did not realize the difference and I should explain it.  I told her that people are not fucktarded and they know the difference but she nodded, nuh uh and kept on driving.  So, in my stupid opinion, sarcasm is dry and fucked up humor but in my heart of hearts, I love people and want everything for them....heck, I even pray for those I don't like and would not want to intentionally hurt anyone.  But a bitch?  They don't care who they tromp on, as long as they seem cute and think that they "sit at the cool kids table for lunch".  Yeah, I guarantee that never really happened in their real high-school days.  (see?  that is sarcasm aimed at people who you might know).

Free To Be You and Me Kisses!

Comments

[Foo Foo]

Have a kick ass Summer. K.I.T., BFF. Hey, can I sit here?

I fully expect a comment cheer "Wooo-effing hooo!!! workin' the colon TJ style!" when I mention fiber cakes in a post...damn you're a bitch for not playing along.

You know I love you Hil and I'm glad to see that you are workin' it out here in blog land. Life lessons, friendship, soul searching, isn't that what it's all about?

[Em]

Can I just say I always learn A LOT from you and like you, I ususally don't comment much because hey, I figure you get lots of lovin all your own because you um, have a special table all your own (that I'll gladly sit at with ANYONE who sits down). But I just wanted to tell you that I respect you and your sarcasm so much, the thought of Bitch has never entered my mind. You tell it like it is and I heart you for it. Always.... But its all down hill when you start relating to Dave Chapelle....

[jessica]

As to #3.
I don't want to know anybody that doesn't think you are funny. Because I think you are one of the funniest people I know.

So yeah, they're wrong. You're funny.

That's all.

[Lora]

I think you're hysterically funny (when that was your goal anyway)...and while I understand what you meant about hurting someone's feelings I truly don't think you are conceited or anything of the sort. Life happens and I know that there is no way you would have intentionally hurt this person. (If you were going for the kill, s/he wouldn't have been left standing, right?) Things happen, life happens, and sometimes we make an error in judgement, that's all. I'm assuming you have apologized in a heartfelt, sincere matter and that, generally speaking, should be the end of it. If this person knows you the way we do, I'm sure the hurt feelings will soon be soothed - just tread lightly for awhile.

[Hilly]

Thanks Lora and yeah, everything is totally cool between me and said person and I did apologize. It just strikes me that in a world as diverse as ours, you cannt "treat others as you would want to be treated" anymore. You have to go like twenty steps beyond and shit.

Man, I wish I smoked weed at a time like this ;)

(joke, people)

[Hilly]

Oh and Lora, it is so sad that you know me well enough to know that if I were going for a kill, they'd be completely down for the count ;).

[Mr. Snackie]

WOO HOO - CARROTS~~

[Sharon]

I love reading your blog and think it's great that you are using it to advance your personal growth. Awesome!

BTW, I totally agree with you about your 30's. (I turned 35 this year, too.) I also agree that no one in their 20's believes it. . . because I didn't believe it in MY 20's when my older friends told me. :)

[kathryn]

I know full well that feeling of having hurt someone unintentionally with what you thought was a joke. It's pretty rough to go through. Now I figure if people dish it out then they can take it but otherwise I tread gently.

Of course you can go to the other extreme where everyone tiptoes around each other and life is totally joyless - who wants that?

[Kyra]

Nope, I don't believe you. I'm 31, and the only thing I have learned is "WHOLLY CRAP, I wasted my 20's!" ;)

I have also found that people DO recognise sarcasm, but they also tend to use it as an opportunity to freak out if they need a readily available target to vent on. In addition to that - people who are sarcastic are seen as being "tougher and able to take the heat", so others don't feel as bad thrashing them one, whether or not they deserve it, - regardless of how thin their skin might actually be. Long story short, usually the person freaking out is doing so not so much because of what you said (unless you really crossed the line) than because of what is going on in their lives, and you have to take a step back (usually a WTF! WHOA! kind of "jump-back-baby!") and then try to become whatever it is that they really need (target, shoulder, cheesecake...whatever.)

Anyway - us loonies (old and new) are here fer ya too. I put myself out there as well, and should you need a shoulder of a stranger (as in stranger than you ;) ) well, that's available to you as well. :)

[ang]

1. Marriages have ripples, You only have ripples? You have been lucky. We kind of have tsunamis but I love the person that he is. Don't always like him. Always love him though
I mostly use my blog to mental vomit. Its good for the soul. If somebody else gets something out of that or connect with me, even better :)

The bitches and sarcasm. My hubby is the king of sarcasm. He is not an ass though. There is a huge difference. Anyone that knows him knows that and I don't think anyone has ever accused him of being an Ass. OK I HAVE accussed him of being as Ass but I get to do that being as we have been married 8 years.

smooches xx
Ang

[vegasqueen]

Hil, you are one of the funniest, caring, smart individuals I know. Seriously. I'm glad you are part of my life You always make me smile or LOL when I read your posts...I heart that.
Hugs,
Aim

[SJ]

Hilly, this is a great post and all the time I was reading it, I was thinking how much I can relate. I have so much trouble with people not "getting" my humor, and getting offended or hurt. I'm trying very hard to learn to live by the "Treat others as they want/need to be treated" rule. It's a real struggle.

[Anne]

The reason I love reading is cause of your sarcasm. Don't change.

Anne

P.S Screw you for not cheering about carrots. ;)

[Xavier]

My sense of humor is and always will be out of whack. It's what keeps me from taking meds and feeling almost sane! HAHA

Care for a slice of fat free cheesecake?

Muah*************

[Leslee]

I didn't mean that you're OLD. *sniff, sniff* I meant that you were older and wiser in the life lessons and stuff. Plus, I said you're sassy. Doesn't that count for anything? :0) Love ya, sister. Great post as always, glad you're coming here to work it out.

~Les

[Anneke]

Yeah, know where you are going with the ripples... We all have our moments.

I always enjoy reading what you have to say. Thought provoking most of the time, and I would have to say that I feel like I pale in comparison sometimes. But isn't that the point of a blog - for you to write whatever you feel?

And I have definately been known to put my foot in my mouth a time or two. Sometimes I just don't think about what I say, then end up having to apologize.

[Shaunta]

Everytime I see a little post from Mr. Snackie on your comments I laugh outloud. Whoo Hoo Carrots...hahaha! That is so something my husband would post. I bet they'd be BFF and we could all have a game night or something.

I have the same problem. I can be too blunt, and people who don't know me well get offended and then I lock myself in the bathroom and cry. Because really? All I want is for everyone to like me. It's really kind of sad.

Also, I think you are really right about the 30s thing. I'll be 35 in October, and my husband thinks its hilarious that I keep having to ask him if I'm 33 or 34. Seriously, I'm not trying to be cute. I have this brain fart this year when it comes to my age. Like my mind can't get around the concept that I'm like two seconds away from 35. What I know now that I wish I could have taught my 25-year-old self would fill the Grand Canyon.

You rock...you make me laugh everyday.

[Nicola]

They say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit. I say it's the funniest form of wit. It's the norm over here and I laugh heartily all the time at sarcasm.

I'm in my last year of my 20's, so i'm looking forward to having my eyes opened!

Nicola.

P.s. just saw my photo on your slide show, and splurted water all over my keyboard.

[beee]

I think that your sarcasm is a special part of you. I love it and you make me laugh even on days that I feel like crying. Don't you dare change!!! You are one of the most unique people I have ever come across! If people want to think that you are a bitch, let them.. its their loss ;)
oh and today I ate a salad, apple... ;)

[Kevin]

If it makes you feel any better, I'm right there with you on #2.

[Jamie]

I can relate to you on #2. Ye ol' hubby doesn't get my sarcasm/humor sometimes and that makes me sad, like he thinks I want to be bitchy to him. Uh, no babe, I'm just goofin' on you.

Oh yeah, and I touched Dane Cook yesterday. Yeah, be jealous. :P

[Wendy]

You have a strong personality, and strong personalities inevitably offend some.

but.

but.

you are lucky, in that you are not only a strong personality, you are sensitive enough to GET IT when you have offended, to recoil with the knowledge that you hurt someone. you are RECEPTIVE to the advice of those that care about you. and LUCKY (as you know) to be getting that advice.

all in all? not a bad package. you're a good person. we all step in it sometimes. keep on keepin on, my jiggah.

[amy]

in the vein of carrot applauding, i think there are definitely things that you comment on and things you don't. i have friends who get all upset if i don't comment on the re-cap of their weekends...i live 6 states away. it's not meant to be a slight, i just have nothing to add to the experience. if i did i would comment, if not i just enjoy peeking into someone's life and thoughts. it doesn't have to be so socially tricky, does it?

[moniorep]

James Michael Tyler was born in Winona, Mississippi on May 28. The youngest of five children, he was raised by a retired Air exact captain and a harshlymaker. At age 11, his parents died and he moved to Anderson, South Carolina to end with his sister. Tyler enrolled at Clemson University as a geology dominant and earned a bachelor of arts degree. He moved to Los Angeles in 1988 and became a casting confidante for "Fat Man and but Boy" and later became an confidante rookie dim editor. He also worked as an ancillary and practiced music on the keyboard. When not working, Tyler practices the keyboard in his studio at about and writes music. He enjoys playing tennis, golf, and jogging. He is vigorous in the Lili Claire rationale and AIDS
toss L.A charities. James Michael Tyler and his ball Barbara, a burning trainer, end in Hollywood.
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