There's Someone Else I've Got To Be.....

In recent months, several people have made posts saying that they are leaving blogging for good and they never come back; then there are those that say that then come back a week later; then there are those that just disappear with no warning and you are left wondering what the deuce happened to them three months later; then you have the old faithfuls who post and comment every single day; then you have people like me.  People like me struggle to actually find their place in the blog world and also struggle to maintain a regular schedule with posts and comments because blogging is becoming secondary but we just cannot let it go.....I think that is a healthy place to be, however it has its drawbacks.

When I first stepped on the "scene" with Snackie's World, I was heavily active on the Weight Watchers message boards and only started a public site and blog because others had done the same; I even had designed my own site and had a blogger linked to it....frankly, I am quite thrilled that I found TypePad because well....my site, looking back on it, was pretty much asstastic.  In any case, because I had migrated from my Weight Loss Site, this blog was all about the weight loss.  Most of my posts had to do with that or something close to that and then slowly but surely I came out of that bubble and starting mixing and matching, like a patchwork poster.  I would talk mostly about Weight Loss, some about my feelings and then add in a fluffy meme here and there if I felt bored and weighed down at work.  Now, I notice that over a year later, I hardly talk about my weight loss struggles and talk much more about my life and my feelings than anything else. What is really strange is that this blog....a public blog, no less.....is the most honest and raw blog that I have ever put out there.  Even over my many years at sites like LJ or Blurty, where you can make "friends only" posts, I was never this real about who I am or how I feel.  I think that comes with age, to be honest.

You may ask what in the hell started this post today so hey, let me tell you.  Last night someone left a comment thanking me for commenting on her blog because she thought I was not reading anymore.  To which I replied that I am always reading, but not always commenting.  My "blogginess" for lack of a better word, has nothing to do with what you post usually.....it has to do with my mood and/or what I have going on each day.  I read everything through Bloglines almost every day then save as new the ones that I just HAVE to comment on.  Or sometimes I open up a sub-folder in Bloglines, click all the different blogs, keep up about 10 Firefox Tabs at a time, and work my way through them as I come and go.....like I said, it just depends on the day.  We all know my feelings about the "woohoo carrots" thing but if I am in a really great mood and have tons of time on my hands, I will totally stop just to post that reply, which is my way of saying that you rock. 

On my end, here is what *I* have noticed.  I have gained a ton of new blog friends mostly due to putting myself out there and reading other friend's links to blogs then making contact with people and so on, and so forth....some people find me the same way.  People come and go but there are a core bunch that stay around no matter what and I think that is awesome.  I don't post for comments but raise my eyebrow when I post total nonsense and get a ton of them but pour my heart out and only get three or four.  But then again I think....okay maybe no one really knows what the hell to say AND I did post this to get it off of my chest.  Another interesting phenomenon is that a lot of people who used to read my blog daily and comment when I was strictly all about Weight Loss don't come around much anymore, if at all.  That started noticeably happening when I announced that I did not just want to be known as a "Weight Loss Blog" and maybe they did not like that.

Blogging is a tricky little pickle, isn't it?  I noticed with the 2,996 Tribute project how many different "worlds" collided in one day and it sort of blew me away in that sense of how connected yet disconnected we are, all at the same time.  When it comes down to it, I blog for me but am so glad when someone emails me or comments about something that I have said that may have inspired them.  On the flip side, I actually smile when people call me on some bullshit because I love realness like that.  We all love comments, come on....but I truly don't gague my worthiness by that.....hell, that is what SiteMeter is for ;).

Deep Thoughts By Hil Handy Kisses,
Me

Comments

[Sharon]

Deep thoughts indeed.

[kapgar]

You already know I feel the same way, Hilly. I'm right there with you. Blogging is a fickle master indeed. One I still don't understand. But I roll with the punches. It's about all I can do right now.

Oh and I discover new people the same way you do. Linking to the sites of people who comment on my site or just take a chance and try a new one.

[Elaine]

It's almost as if blogging as high school. Some bloggers are more popular than others but it seems as though everyone can find their niche. Like you, I often expect tons of comments from my "deep" posts and get nothing but when I post my random thoughts of the day, I'm inundated. Who'd a thunk?

[t2ed]

I've given up trying to figure out why some people comment and others merely lurk. I don't think it's the content. Some of my goofiest stuff gets lots of opinioning while serious (okay as serious as I get) stuff quietly fades away.

You just make yourself crazy if you try to figure it out. And I know I'll never get as many comments as Kris anyway!

I am, therefore, I blog. Or something like that.

[MC]

I am a big skeerdy-cat when it comes to being blogger honest. The further from the revelation of personal details I am, the happier I am.

On some level I am as plastic and fake as the people I mock at my blog.

I am a hypocrite and I know it. que sera sera!

[Leslee]

This is one of the same things I've pondered about my blog. I always get kudos and "woohoo carrots" when I've lost weight. But, a lot of the time, when I am really digging for answers on some things that are tugging on my heart, I rarely get the response that I thought I would. And, not that I'm not appreciative of the positive energy, because hey, everyone can use some of that, but it's like when you're really down about something, and you labor over an entry, and ask hypothetical, yet not-so-hypothetical questions, you get very little answers or insight in return.

And, I, too comment randomly. Depends on the day, mood, subject, etc.

Well, I've pondered all of it, but not to the point that I'd just not blog. I'm like you, I don't do it to be popular, I don't do it for the comments (even though I do like them :0), I don't do it to gain respect, or whatever, I do it for me. It's a place to "get the lead out" for me, so I try to not over-analyze it. I'll quit blogging, when it no longer serves as a positive thing for me.

~Les

[Ang]

Oh yeah I am a total random commenter. I love when I am able to cut out a little me time and pop in a quick hello to let people know that I am there but that comes in highs and lows. Such is life I guess.

My blog is read by but a very small handful of people and I actually like it that way. I started it for me and it will always be for me and it almost has been like a little way to let people know how I am when I am too wrapped up in myself to send a real update.

smooches xx
Ang

[Hilly]

Kapgar - I actually found the entry where you and I met the other day....it was my Oprah entry and you linked to the one you had made regarding the bizzsnatch; it was kinda cool looking back at that, even though yeah technically it is all Krazy Karl's fault ;).

Elaine - That is a really neat way of looking at it; popularity really is subjective though....I mean, I think having fewer people that really truly love you is way more important.

MC - Yeah but Culture is your thing...Pop Culture, that is and hey, that is okay too; I read so many different blogs for different reasons and I like yours, especially on Homer Day ;)

Les - I always feel bad when I cruise your site and it has been a few days since I have been online and I see that I missed an important post; but then again we talk so much in email I feel dumb replying after we have already said stuff, LOL.

Ang - I totally know that you are a random commenter and have you on my list of core people that have always been around; I know everyone's patterns pretty much by now, sistah. I am glad that you are comfortable with it all being for you because that is so healthy!

[Hilly]

P.S. - just so it is clear, I was joking about the number of comments received....LOL. However was serious about the when and why of it all!

[Mr. Fabulous]

I am confused as well as to what prompts people to comment. Some of my posts that have received the most comments are literally posts I have tossed off in five minutes as an afterthought. And then I can work hard and painstakingly on another and it just doesn't resonate with people for whatever reason.

Go figure.

[Kyra]

I find that too much of seeing a person's deeper sides tend to scare the crap out of other people. I think it's so much easier for everyone to go through their lives thinking that another person - any person - could be as "deep" as they think they are themselves. Because, OMG, if everyone is that deep and suffers and wishes and dreams just like you, how do you exist in a world that vulnerable.

it's a lot easier to just catagorize people. Simplify them. So when you post a random glib thought, it's so much easier to respond to. But when you post something from the heart, it's almost painful to even try for some people. It involves thought and acknowledgement of the other person AS a person - and that's hard. Especially when it's just words on a screen.

The thing is, maybe you don't get a lot of comments, but you know they're chewing on what you said. How does it apply to them, in their daily life? What does that mean about you and how they saw you before they posted?

Sometimes I think blogging is about walking the line and pushing it. But it's one of those things that is almost impossible to go back from. The worst part is - I think most of us started blogging for ourselves. For the hell of it. And then we started keeping track on how many hits and from where, etc. Maybe we're the ones who are being silly, and irregular - not our commenters.

*sigh*

[francesdanger]

I blame Blogography. I happened to click on Dave's profile while reading Peggy Archer's Totally Unauthorized, and I was hooked. From there I would click on people whose comments caught my attention. I am constantly on the lookout for new blogs to read, and when I find one I read it daily and attempt to comment daily, because I believe in showing my support.

As for my own blog I started it as a follow up to my therapy and diagnosis as bipolar. They say you should journal to help keep you on an even keel, and the easiest way to do that was a blog. What can I say? I'm lazy. I am also incredibly honored by commenters. It amazes me that people will take time out of their day to not only read, but respond, and it is my hope that the people I comment feel close to the same way.

After all, my time is incredibly valuable. ;-)

[ms. sizzle]

i need to overhaul my blog. your asstastic term is so appropriate for it. :)

i am SO glad i found your blog. sistah!

[Javajabber]

Well, you ARE totally awesome. In so many different ways: outspoken, informed, intelligent, caring, real, down-to-earth, emotional, vulnerable, I could go on. But, I don't want to be held responsible for having your head swell and explode.

And, I also blame YOU entirely for the fact that I now HAVE to read Karl's blog every day because, well, who knows? I think he's your long lost, twice-adopted twin brother. The both of you (and even more so together) are two of the funniest people I don't know.

Also, you both are very real people. What you do and what you say has nothing to do with blog readers. It's all about writing for yourselves (except for Karl's birthday stunts).

[Hilly]

MR. FAB - It's totally wonky, right? Theoretically it is a bunch of people like me who just have time on their hands that day...oddest thing I have noticed with SiteMeter....no matter what I post about on what day, I have more hits on Tuesday and Wednesday....odd, right?

KYRA - You are totally right; I mean, sometimes I have no idea what the hell to say to others when they are going through things, but then I tend to stop and comment on those posts MORE now because I know what it is like to put myself out there....back in the old days, when I just posted fluff at my LJ, I hated meaningfful shit because I did not want to face any type of reality....mine or anyone else's. Hrm, thanks for making me think.

MADAME DANGER - Isn't Blogography to blame for everything? (kidding Dave!) Seriously though, I am glad you sent me that email about a postcard and that I have been able to connect and get to know you because you really are a great person.

SIZZLE - me too....how did we meet? Was it Karl or Kevin? Every meeting I have is through one of three men or Chase, LOL. If you ever want a blog-over, I am willing to help out!

JJ - Okay flattery will get you absolutely....everywhere ;). Yeah, Karl was so mild mannered before he came out here to CA; I think the salt air did him in or something because I assure you there was NO toe eating chez Snackiepoo, aka Camp Cheeky Monkey.

[Jen]

Hey Hilly

I'm the same way about commenting. Sometimes I feel like it, sometimes not. It sure as hell doesn't mean that I'm not out here reading like a mad woman!

[SJ]

I'm living for the day when I STOP gauging my blogworthiness by comments received. I HATE being that way, and miss the days when I truly blogged only for myself.

It is absolutely Dave2's fault. Well, and Kevin's. Oh, Karl's too. All the feedback and interaction they have with their readers, who WOULDN'T want that? If people are inspired to respond to your posts, it means you did something right.

But then I have to remind myself how often I read-but-don't-comment on other people's blogs. Living by a double standard, I am. Bad me!

[Dagny]

I find it's more than actually sticking to a regular schedule. I used to have one. Now it's more like, "Do I even have anything to say?" *sigh*

[Karl]

You already know that we jive on a lot of these issues. I have no idea what causes some posts to wind up with dozens of comments and others wind up with only a handful. I stopped trying to figure that out.

I think it's the being real thing that counts most of all. I haven't felt like I'm "on my game" in a while but whenever I write about depression, it seems that people really respond. And here I am thinking I have to be funny to get people to like me. :)

[Rick]

[insert comment here]

[David]

Haha yeah, I just started playing it this week on a 10 day trial my brother sent me. It's pretty cool. Not too sure I'll actually buy it afterwards.

[christie]

Wow, I inspired this post?! Now I feel special. I think :) I hope I didn't make you feel bad, it wasn't my intention at all :)

That weight loss tips site that interviewed you just interviewed me! I don't know when they'll put it up.

I think it's cool that you talk about more than just weight loss, because weight loss is not your WHOLE LIFE. When it is, you give up because it's too all-consuming. We have to have LIVES besides weight loss in order for it to work!!
I wish I had more to talk about on my blog, but my life isn't that interesting right now :) Anytime something does happen though I always write about it even though it may have nothing to do with weightloss at all.

[Sheryl]

I was a total "lurker" for a long time before I started blogging myself. One thing I DON'T like about my new job is that I either don't have the time every day or I'm too tired to deal with it, so I miss days even READING, let alone writing. Then I drop in for a "visit" and it's great to "see" everyone. I'm a minor player, but I enjoy the company.

[notsosnowwhite]

I just wanted to drop in and say hi.... cool blog.