Well shoot, I've been alluding to this stupid ass realtor lady for two posts now so I may as well post this and get it all out of my system! I have to warn you that I am so flipping pissed that I may not be able to control the obscenities that come out of my mouth from this point on. In fact, I'll just say it now....this woman is a Snatch-Sicle Douchey McDouchebag Whore and I am definitely putting her on notice!
Some of you may recall the event that started this all back in August, when our landlord suddenly decided that he was going to sell the place after offering an extended lease just one month earlier. You know, that turned out to be "whatever" anyway because of the increased chaos in my personal life, nobody wants to be here past Thanksgiving anyway. With that said, this decision to sell and have Cunty McWhoreface (henceforth to be dubbed "CM" for short) put her sign on the lawn and her lockbox on the front door started in AUGUST. By the way, for those not in the mood to do that math, that is three fucking months before the set end of our lease.
In any case at the time of this upsetting news, Kyra pointed me to a site that really detailed California Tenant Laws and from there I researched more. It turns out that we in no way are obligated to allow anyone in to this house while we still live here and pay rent. In fact, when CM put the lock box on the door, I went ballistic because I've heard horror stories of people just coming in while others are sleeping, showering, blahsy blah. I called her back then and she snidely asked me to see things from her side, since it is a terrible market and I made her a deal. The deal was that she had to put an addendum on the MLS stating that we require 24 hour notice to show the place and also require an appointment *time* to be scheduled as well. In the beginning it seemed to be working out okay and only maybe 2-3 realtors a week were stopping by.
Suddenly last month it got out of control...the rabid realty rats would call on a Sunday at 9:30am and say that they'd be here in 10 minutes to show the property and I would be like, "uh no...you're not". It got to a point where I would leave this long, embarrassing detailed message on the outgoing answering machine every day...stating whether or not someone could come in. Then when nobody continued to follow the fucking rules of the compromise and when CM talked down to me with a murderous Texas Cheerleader Mom voice, I got out the Sharpie! That's right...there is a tacky note on the front door that says, "House is not showing today. Please do not enter! [insert smiley face here to make it all okay]". It started as a one day thing but I've not since taken it down. HOWEVER, if a realtor calls and actually makes an appointment with me, I tell them to go ahead and come in and ignore the sign and so they show the place, etc.
So last night I get this voice mail from Cunty Snacthie McBitch Nugget (now she has more bad names) stating that she has had several complaints from people who are not able to get in because there is always an outgoing message or a note on the door. Holy shit! I've had that going on for over a month and you are just now bitching? Anyway, so she goes on to say that she wants to have an open house this Sunday from 1-5 and that we have to let her do it because both she and the landlord want it to happen. I never called her back because quite honestly I was waiting to calm down. So I get another message from her today stating the same thing yet now saying that the landlord is going to write us a note saying that he allows it to happen and that as a landlord he has legal right to have an open house whenever he wants. Um, I don't think he does according to what I've read on CA Tenant Law, but please if I am wrong, someone correct me. Don't worry, I won't bite no matter how irritated I am :).
Here's the thing....until November we all still live here. In November, we're all dispersing. Then she should have her open houses and leave us the hell alone. I think she's used to walking all over these OC Milquetoasts but I am soooo not down with her clown. She thinks the sugary sweet "Desperate Housewives" voice is going to work on me while she is knifing me in the gut? Please. Does she think the words "legal rights" are really going to freak me out? Double please. One of the worst things about this is that I am getting worked up over nothing, or so it seems. But you know what? My life and my marriage are already in a huge disarray right now so having this take time out of what little peace I *do* get just chaps my ass! Le sigh....I will probably let her do the open house on Sunday though just to get her out of my snatch for five fucking minutes.
And even worse? This bitch called and put me in a foul mood right before Pushing Daisies! I will not let Cunty McWhoreface ruin my show...nope, not gonna do it! And here I wanted to post about my birthday coming up in two and a half weeks....guess I will save that one for tomorrow.
"I. Am. At. Disneyland." Kisses,
ETA - Boy, Pushing Daisies sure can turn that frown upside down!
ETA #2: This afternoon Shawn took this task from me because it was stressing me out and pissing him off and he is way more of a ballbuster than I am (hard to believe). Funny that, he talked directly to the landlord who was fine and said everything is cool. He also told the landlord what we think of the agent and what games she has played. The landlord is like totally down with our clown and is not even caring about if we have the open house this weekend. Which makes Cunty McWhoreface seem all that much snatchier to me cause she was lying about how upset he is!