The thing about being a "personal blogger" is that I open myself up to all kinds of shit that I wouldn't have to deal with if I could just learn how to be funny and start a humor blog. Were I a "humor blogger", I could talk about the various things I'd do when my pants fell down and my privates were exposed...what a laugh we'd all have! Instead, my exposure is a little more deep, displaying my guts as if I were a cartoon character behind an xray machine that yanno...actually showed guts. Don't get me wrong....I'm not sitting here with a whiny voice in my head as I write this post. Quite the contrary, actually. It's with a pretty thick skin that I sit here knowing that someone, somewhere, is going to read this and roll their eyes because rather than actually seeing my words, they'll summarize and miss the bigger picture. It's just that sometimes I wish it didn't have to be like that.
Hell, I put the microscope up for you to look through every day so it's not like I can sit here and deny any culpability for the way I'm feeling right now. When I'm having a bad day, you hear about it. When I'm feeling sad, you hear about it. Fat, unloved, scared, confused, lonely, marriage problems, family problems, money problems....you hear about them all. But you see...that is what my blog is here for. It's a place where I can come when all other options have been exacerbated. It's the place where I can let it all hang out. And when all is said and done, it's my place.
I think one of the truest yet saddest things about human nature is that
we are drawn to the negative, especially when we are dissecting someone
else's words. Hell, sometimes it is so much easier for me to relate to a post where someone else feels lost and scared than it is to one where the writer's life is a bowl of fucking cherries. I mean, of course I'm always completely thrilled for people when their lives are that great, but can I relate? Not right now. Not today. But hey...maybe soon. In the meantime, I write about what I do know and/or what I am going through. This isn't the best period of my life but it sure as hell isn't the worst either. So I navel-gaze and talk about the same emotional issues a lot. Well duh....of course I am going to do that because I am working through them and as I do that, things spill from my heart out onto the page. That's just the way it is, baby.
I also think that one of the truest yet saddest things about human nature is that we tend to judge people who are so happy that they sparkle by calling them egotistical or something just as mean. First of all, anyone who blogs is a bit egotistical. You have to have narcissistic tendencies if you really believe that people want to read and comment on the shit you write every day. Hey, not that there's anything wrong with that, but you know what I am saying. So there will be times when I shine. In those times, I get silly and take pictures of myself sucking on popsicles or sometimes even worse. It doesn't mean that I need your attention but maybe it means that I want it. And you know what? That's okay too! When people are in a really great place and feel like the world around them just glows with love and magic, they want to draw others in so that everyone can feel alive together. There should be no apologies made for loving yourself that much, even if it is only for a moment or two.
So my point is...wait, do I have one? Oh yes, right...for those of you that guessed there was trickery or an underlying theme on my Snackie Sunday post, there wasn't. I was actually just curious as to what words people would use when very limited. What fascinated me was seeing how some people used very broad terms to describe themselves and me while others pinpointed one aspect of their personalties and sadly, mine as well. I've got no real opinion on that other than the fact that it intrigued me enough to make my mind wander all over the place. The end result? This post. The post that means everything yet nothing at all.
Yummy S'Mores Kisses,
Me
