I Hear In My Mind, All Of These Words....

The thing about being a "personal blogger" is that I open myself up to all kinds of shit that I wouldn't have to deal with if I could just learn how to be funny and start a humor blog.  Were I a "humor blogger", I could talk about the various things I'd do when my pants fell down and my privates were exposed...what a laugh we'd all have!  Instead, my exposure is a little more deep, displaying my guts as if I were a cartoon character behind an xray machine that yanno...actually showed guts.  Don't get me wrong....I'm not sitting here with a whiny voice in my head as I write this post.  Quite the contrary, actually.  It's with a pretty thick skin that I sit here knowing that someone, somewhere, is going to read this and roll their eyes because rather than actually seeing my words, they'll summarize and miss the bigger picture.  It's just that sometimes I wish it didn't have to be like that.

Hell, I put the microscope up for you to look through every day so it's not like I can sit here and deny any culpability for the way I'm feeling right now.  When I'm having a bad day, you hear about it.  When I'm feeling sad, you hear about it.  Fat, unloved, scared, confused, lonely, marriage problems, family problems, money problems....you hear about them all.  But you see...that is what my blog is here for.  It's a place where I can come when all other options have been exacerbated.  It's the place where I can let it all hang out.  And when all is said and done, it's my place.

I think one of the truest yet saddest things about human nature is that we are drawn to the negative, especially when we are dissecting someone else's words.  Hell, sometimes it is so much easier for me to relate to a post where someone else feels lost and scared than it is to one where the writer's life is a bowl of fucking cherries.  I mean, of course I'm always completely thrilled for people when their lives are that great, but can I relate?  Not right now.  Not today.  But hey...maybe soon.  In the meantime, I write about what I do know and/or what I am going through.  This isn't the best period of my life but it sure as hell isn't the worst either.  So I navel-gaze and talk about the same emotional issues a lot.  Well duh....of course I am going to do that because I am working through them and as I do that, things spill from my heart out onto the page.  That's just the way it is, baby.

I also think that one of the truest yet saddest things about human nature is that we tend to judge people who are so happy that they sparkle by calling them egotistical or something just as mean.  First of all, anyone who blogs is a bit egotistical.  You have to have  narcissistic tendencies if you really believe that people want to read and comment on the shit you write every day.  Hey, not that there's anything wrong with that, but you know what I am saying.  So there will be times when I shine.  In those times, I get silly and take pictures of myself sucking on popsicles or sometimes even worse.  It doesn't mean that I need your attention but maybe it means that I want it.  And you know what?  That's okay too!  When people are in a really great place and feel like the world around them just glows with love and magic, they want to draw others in so that everyone can feel alive together.  There should be no apologies made for loving yourself that much, even if it is only for a moment or two.

So my point is...wait, do I have one?  Oh yes, right...for those of you that guessed there was trickery or an underlying theme on my Snackie Sunday post, there wasn't.  I was actually just curious as to what words people would use when very limited.  What fascinated me was seeing how some people used very broad terms to describe themselves and me while others pinpointed one aspect of their personalties and sadly, mine as well.  I've got no real opinion on that other than the fact that it intrigued me enough to make my mind wander all over the place.  The end result?  This post.  The post that means everything yet nothing at all.

Yummy S'Mores Kisses,
Me

Comments

[Lisa]

What's ironic is that the very things you mention in this post are the things that are preventing me from being able to write. I used to have no problem opening myself up emotionally and never cared how I sounded. Now I'm all emotionally stunted. Writing is incredibly difficult. I feel like I can't be me.

You've given me some things to think about...

[Nat]

I can't even remember what I wrote... But I do still think you're lovely. (And you're description of me made me smile all day. So thanks.

OOOOh and the real reason for this comment. Since you started using that photo with the popsicle, I've been craving one...

[Dragon]

For every one person who is really happy in their life at the current moment, there are at least 5 who are struggling.

You are right, this is your blog. Express any damn thing you want. Do it without apology. I come here because I like you and I can relate to you and to some of the things you are going through. You give words to the feelings others can't find words for. I for one, thank you.

[hello haha narf]

please don't go all humor all the time on us.
i like you just the way you are.
(oh fuck, my mr. rogers post today hit me harder than i thought if i am quoting him here. hehe)

love ya lady.

now i gotta go see what you replied to me the other day coz your fucking site hates me. that is ok, though. i totally love yew, man!

[Winter]

There are two things I always think when I'm blogging (and by blogging I mean writing posts and posting comments). One, am I writing too much? (My usual mental answer is oh, crap, I babbled again!) Two, am I being egocentric? (My usual mental answer is fuck, I did it again! I made the comment about me and not about them!)

I guess the thing is that I'm egocentric in the sense that I have to relate others' words, feelings, and experiences, with my own. I am good at sympathizing but better at empathizing. But I feel bad when other feel bad and I'm for them when they are happy. I guess that's all that is really important.

[Dave2]

I'm a total bitch-whore for attention! That's why I blog every day!

[Dave2]

I'm a total bitch-whore for attention! That's why I blog every day!

[Dave2]

And that's also why I comment everything twice!

[Finn]

I think what people fail to grasp is that even though we reveal much of ourselves through blogging, we still don't present the whole picture.

It's very difficult to sum up a human being in one word. Other than human, that is.

P.S.- It's been my experience that people who accuse others of being narcissistic are generally just pouting because they don't get enough attention. But you're right -- you have be a bit narcissistic to blog. But it's a healthy outlet!

[Karen Sugarpants]

I haven't done SS yet - but will do it now. I've been listening to Regina for days though - something about singing loud with all the windows open in Spring makes me very happy. One lady neighbour said she loved my voice. Awww...
And yes, LOTS gets lost in translation in blogging. Though I haven't blogged 'deep' in some time - lots got lost back when I did. oy.

[floating princess]

I guess you can say bloggers are egocentric, I totally get that. But I think there has to be a willingness to let it all hang out for everyone to see, even if what we're hanging out there is only a select portion of ourselves. I use my blog to get things off my mind, and sometimes those things are a little up close and personal. Then I'll be checking my stats and see someone from my area and have a huge "oh shit what did I say" moment. Mostly, though, I just put my thoughts out there and let the chips fall where they may. It's not always pretty, or funny, but it's always me.

[Tug]

There will always be people that don't like what you (anyone) writes, but there are always people IRL that don't like it either. My feelings are - YOUR blog, YOUR writing, period. If people don't like it, close out. If it's something I have nothing to comment on, I don't.

And then there are the times I don't have anything to say but babble along in the comments anyway. ;-)

[whall]

The post that means everything yet nothing at all.

Oh, so now you're Seinfeld?

[Poppy]

Did you just say you were sad that I pigeon-holed you as beautiful?

Damn you and your minxy ways.

:)

[Poppy]

Did you just say you were sad that I pigeon-holed you as beautiful?

Damn you and your minxy ways.

:)

PS - try #2 to post this comment. Your blog is giving me a complex.

[Poppy]

Oh, you gd fucker. You weren't there two seconds ago.

I LOVE IT WHEN BLOGS MAKE ME LOOK STUPID.

hehehehehe

[Sharon]

Wow, I love me some deep philosophical Hilly. ;-)

I'm a weird blogger in that I tend NOT to post about the things that are really, really bothering me. I think it's partly because I know there are folks IRL who read the blog. That aside, it's something that's puzzled me about since I started blogging because I am not by nature a private person.

I also don't anywhere NEAR your readership!

[Anonymous City Girl]

Lots of food for thought in that post. I always considered myself a "personal blogger", but I'm not so sure. I write for myself, but always aware that other might or might not read it. I back off of letting the view get too deep and use humor to distract from anything that might show a weakness.

Then again, that is pretty accurate in my daily life too. And amazingly I am still single... LOL

[Lisa]

Maybe it's pain meds or my 13 yr old mentality but Dave2 and Poppy crack me up...and the Seinfeld comment was good too.

I'm not trying to negate the points you were trying to make...I just laughed at Dave and Poppy.

[ajooja]

I used the word "self-deprecating" for you but I could have used it for myself too.

When you write in a self-deprecating manner, I always think, "Don't be so hard on yourself, Hilly. You poor thing. I want to give you a hug."

When I do it, I know I'm just dumping it out of my system. I don't care if anyone likes it or not.

Weird. Hmmmmm.

[Mr. Fabulous]

I have a vision of this blog becoming all knock knock jokes all the time. That would be awesome!

[Avitable]

What's this about you showing your private parts?

[Miss Britt]

Here's what people don't realize about MY personal blog:

Just because I'm writing about one painful/sad/mad emotion, doesn't mean I'm feeling that ALL THE TIME. It might be something powerful that I have to get OUT, but in reality it might only be a 30 second snap shot of my entire life.

Um... I'm sorry. What were you saying about you here?

Oh yes, that I love you and you are awesome and I want you to move to Florida. I think that's what you said.

[Göran]

I´m being shallow now, I know, but in all your pictures you have perfect nails (apart from looking totally cool). End of message [the deep quota is filled this week] :-P

[sue]

I just wish I could write as well as you... then maybe some of those things in my head could actually make it onto the blog. You are an inspiration.

[John]

"...I mean, of course I'm always completely thrilled for people when their lives are that great, but can I relate? Not right now.

We don't see too many posts of this nature, do we. These people have something better to do than we do. Funny is great, and everyone gets off a good one every once in a while, but I like thoughtful, reflective posts like this one. And I like pictures of you sucking on a popsicle (no innuendo intended) - I just do. Because there's truth in that picture. And you have sexy eyes, btw. : )

Have a great day hon.

[diane]

Every since I commented on Kyra's blog that I wouldn't want people to use my blog to remember me by because it is not an accuarate reflection of who I am, I've wondered why I continue to do it.
Outlet? Interweb friends? Can't put my finger on it, but continue I do...

[Penelope]

I love your blog - it's like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get - thanks Forrest!
You're a top bird Hilly!!
Pssst...I didn't get my description yet - am I that complicated? ;o)

[Lady Jaye]

Being a personal blogger has been the best thing for me. I started my current blog when I was still married and I was blogging about the daily things with my then husband. A couple months later it all came crashing down and we were separated. Blogging gave me the chance to pour out everything I was feeling and to meet new friends who helped me cope. I don't think there is anything wrnog at all about writing about the negative and sharing the positive when it's there too.

[Colin Brooks]

Keeping a blog about yourself and your life around you in general is like that. Some days you will be happy and some days you will be sad. I turn to humour because it comes out naturally and sometimes I don't even try to be funny but I've had my fair share of depressed/-ing posts recently because life is not always funny. I like to see blogs as a way to share our experiences and see what others have to say about them. I keep a blog because I find it therapeutic to vent without the boundaries that I impose on myself when around friends.

[Rachel]

I struggle with this all. the. time. I'm not good at being a humor blogger, but I'm always hesitant to post the "deep" stuff because of the reaction I'd get. Especially since I'm not an anonymous blogger.

If you figure out how to balance things out, please let me know.

[Foo]

I love that you keep it real. It's not always rainbows and I think that is why people can relate to you and why they keep coming back for more.

I will never understand why people feel the need to shred others for what they blog about. Move on if it's not something you are into and FFS, don't send an email about not liking a post...man up and add to the comment conversation.

Everyone blogs for different reasons, when did that become NOT o.k.?

[suze]

That's what I love about personal blogging - it's so often an honest reflection of what and how we're feeling right at that moment. Good, bad, silly, happy, sad... That's life. Better to be honest about it I think...