It's been said that I am really good at conveying my emotions with my eyes, my smile and my facial expressions. And while this is 100% true, I also love to use my words...the more metaphorical and flowery the better. But what if those words were stripped away and all I had was one chance to say it the way I wanted you to hear it? I'd have to use my face so you'd know how I feel but uh...slight issue here. It's the internet so that is kind of hard to do. Being a wordy bitch, this exercise is very hard for me so I wanted to share it with you and ask that you try your best as well!
With that said, it's time for....
"IN A WORD" IF YOU COULD USE ONLY ONE WORD....
...TO DESCRIBE YOURSELF, WHAT WOULD IT BE? ...TO DESCRIBE ME, WHAT WOULD IT BE?*** ...TO DESCRIBE YOUR CURRENT EMOTIONAL STATE, WHAT WOULD IT BE? ...TO DESCRIBE YOUR HAPPY PLACE, WHAT WOULD IT BE? ...TO DESCRIBE THE PERFECT DAY, WHAT WOULD IT BE? ...TO DESCRIBE LOVE, WHAT WOULD IT BE? ...TO DESCRIBE HATE, WHAT WOULD IT BE? ...TO DESCRIBE YOUR FAVORITE MEAL, WHAT WOULD IT BE? ...TO DESCRIBE A PERFECT AFTERNOON, WHAT WOULD IT BE? ...TO DESCRIBE WHY I AM ASKING YOU THESE THINGS, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
I will answer in comments. I don't want to influence anyone else's answer by messing up the place with my stinky words! Amazing that I think I am so wonderful with words yet the best adjective I've used tonight is "stinky". Oy yoy yoy!
Choux Pastry Heart Kisses, Me
*** I WILL EITHER COMMENT OR EMAIL BACK MY ONE WORD FOR YOU :)
PLEASE DON'T FORGET...Vahid from Iron Fist is on Snackie Radio this Sunday! Go here to submit questions and get all of the details!
You know how we're all very quick to dish out advice that we don't take ourselves? Yeah, well I was a glaring portrayal of that cliché yesterday and while it sucked, it also taught me something very important about myself. I seem to be all about "the lessons learned" lately but hey, if I'm in an emotional growth stage of my life, better not pull the plug on it quite just yet.
A friend mentioned that going through old pictures, to a time when this person was thinner, was a really hard thing to do. I agreed that it's sometimes gut wrenching. You sit back, look at how things used to be and inevitably start wondering where it it all went to shit and how you allowed yourself to take such poor care of your temple (that's "your body" for those of you not attending Camp Metaphor this summer). So my answer at the time was, "well I just don't do it. I don't look back at those pictures and try to move forward".
What a crock of shit.
I mean, what I said was true but the crock of shit is what was happening internally at the time. Without even realizing it, my brain and the ashamed part of my psyche were busy pulling the wool over my eyes, allowing me to open my umbrella-ella-ella and shield myself from reality. (Again, I am high on metaphor juice today). The only reason I know this is because somewhere in the dark of night, after a few margaritas, I decided to look for my old online photo album and bam, boom, wowsa! There she was....beautiful Hilly. You know, the one from 50 pounds ago and who was actually happy in life? Yeah, that one. Because clearly there's no way that I can be beautiful now with all of these imperfections. Nuh-uh, it'd be a shame to love something as hideous as this!
In case you didn't get it, I'm being sarcastic. As I spent a moment with that knife of failure gouged into my gut, I started to realize that it doesn't matter what that Hilly looked like. I mean let's face it, that life doesn't really exist in the same manner anyway. That was then, this is now. I started to twist my brain, although it was hard, and look at things in a different way. I miss my cheekbones being so prominent and want them back. I'd like my thinner neck back too, please. I want to see the hourglass (even if it is a "curvalicious" one) when I put on my cute clothes and look in the mirror. But mostly, I want that glow back...the healthy one that might also have something to do with being happy with myself. And for once, I am not just sitting here talking about it, but doing it.
In a few minutes I leave for my first JC weigh in. I twatted that I was nervous about it but the more I sit here, the more I feel okay inside and you know..."que sera sera" and all that. I'm going to do other things later on today that will also lead to the "Hilly is going to live a fucking awesome life" portion of our program. Cleaning out, moving forward and getting shit done.
Diet Coke With Cherry Vanilla And Chocolate Kisses. Me
Don't you just hate it when someone has a blog contest and makes you read on and on for days before just spitting out who the winner actually is? I do! I usually skip to the end to find out if it's me (whether it is a video or a regular post) because I am just that kind of girl. I used to read the ends of books before finishing them too but thankfully I've stopped that nonsense. So anyway, I had a contest...more of a non-contest that nobody really had to play, but all the same, there was a winner and I am tickled pink at the outcome of this one!
As you can see, if you've already jumped right to the graphic (which is why it is here at the top of the post), the winner of my Comment Contest is none other than the lovely, delightful, strong, smart, person I'd want to live next door to...Radioactive Girl (aka Tori). So here's the deal...I only decided what the prize would be this last Sunday while hosting Snackie Radio. Also, the only people I told what the prize was going to be was those listening and yanno, maybe a few of my friends that cared to listen! So here it is..the grand prize for winning the comment contest is:
*I* will plan a trip to your area!
Before anyone starts in with the copycat business, yes yes...big ups to Davey-Joe, from whom I totally stole this idea. Anyway, this means not only do I finally get to meet someone I've been friends with for almost three years, but I also get to meet all of you that live in the Chicago area.....FINALLY!!!! So congratulations Tori, although I feel funny saying that when I'm sort of the prize. Oh man, my ego...but seriously, yay! We'll start planning a time that works for all of us and plan the event called "Chilly" as coined by Kapgar.
But wait, there's more....
Because the timing of the two comments on either side of hers were so close, there are two runners-up! Congratulations to John of Buddha on the Road and my girl Winter of Sunlight Sucks. Because Winter is actually local, her prize will be one all expenses paid night of dinner and drinks (plus whatever else we conjure up!). I don't know what to do about my hot little Buddhist though...hrm. I'll tell you what, John...you have a choice! You can receive a $25.00 Amazon Gift Certificate, a CD of music personally selected by moi pour toi, OR a video post in your honor...just let me know!
For those of you who want proof that these really are the winners...here you go. If you click on this picture, it also lists the people who were very very close to winning this contest. Although now that I think of it, some of you may not want to know, heh.
Again, thanks to everyone who comes here and reads my crap. Even more thanks to those of you who choose to take part in my life and leave comments now and again. They always brighten my day even though they aren't necessary! It's amazing to have people like all of you in my life! Have a happy weekend and again...you all are amazing!
Yes, I am posting this information way earlier than usual. Also? Much different format this time too! Why? Well, a few reasons...
1. Tomorrow I am posting the winner and prize for my comment contest! 2. I'd like to promote my guests earlier in the week so that the people who don't blog on the weekends know what's coming up. 3. I'm trying to branch out, step outside of the incestuous bubble, and encourage those who are *not* on the radio every other weekend to come join me in my happy place. 4. Vahid is just fucking cool:
(HOLY CRAP, I LOOK LIKE JABBA THE SLUT IN THIS PICTURE... I OFFER YOU ANOTHER PIC AS A DETERRENT, HOPING YOU'LL FORGET THIS ONE!)
5. One of the things I am trying to start is allowing all of YOU to submit questions/topics or discussion for my guest and I to talk about. I'm still not rigid enough (TWKS) to have a strict format and will obviously stray down a dark path filled with innuendo each week, however...that does not mean that we can't get in some fine quality programming. And hey, what the listeners want, the listeners get!
With that said, please join me this weekend when Vahid, the smokin' hot hottie from the PacNW (thanks Bret Michaels), joins me on Snackie Radio! All the information you will need is listed below! If you have a question for us or a topic that you would like us to discuss, please comment here or send me a quick email. Of course, I will have to run all of these heinous inquiries his Fistiness, but hey....it's not like anyone is really that shy around here!
SPECIAL GUEST STAR: VAHID FROM IRON FIST (Señor Sexytat) SUNDAY JUNE 1st AT 3PM PACIFIC/6PM EASTERN CLICK HERE TO GET A REMINDER FOR THE SHOW!
Never fear, I will post a list of my upcoming guests Sunday night when I recap the show and give you all the keys to the delicious castle (meaning: slap the fucking show widget into TypePad). Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go freestyle some sweet sweet....
Listen up, bitches! I know you run right past memes in the feed reader however...this one is different. Dfferent, how? Well cause really, I am only doing it because I can use these six things towards my "100 Things List" love Sugarpanties. So yeah, I don't know how this thing started out but by the time it got to me, it's all about listing six random and weird things about myself...that's not that freaking hard, unfortunately ;).
The rules according to Karen Sugarpants, the delicious cherry who tagged me:
1. Link to the person who tagged you. 2. Post the rules on your blog. 3. Write six random/weird things about yourself. 4. Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs. 5. Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website. 6. Let your tagger know when your entry is up.
Yeah I don't know how many of these rules I will actually follow when all is said and done, but let's get to the gettin' and figure it all out from there, m'kay?
Weird Hilly Thing #1 - I go to Starbucks every weekday morning, where I proceed to order a Venti Americano with 2% milk and 2 packets of Splenda. The kicker is that I only drink about two-thirds of the damned coffee, if that. Every morning I think to myself, "I should just get a Grande instead" and yet...I don't. I pay for the Venti and you want to know why? Just in case that day is the day I want it all.
Weird Hilly Thing #2 - I get a sick secret satisfaction (alliteration!) when people who have resisted the urge for so long, come down the rabbit hole and join us on Twitter. It makes me grin especially wide if it is someone who smack-talked it forever before succumbing to the sweet sweet twats.
Weird Hilly Thing #3 - I have to eat all things frozen (like ice cream and frozen yogurt) with a plastic spoon. In fact, I won't eat those things with a metal spoon at all. Hrm, it seems the secret to my weight loss might lie in plastic silverware!
Weird Hilly Thing #4 - I'll watch TV shows even if I know that they'll be a total train wreck....just so I can have had the experience of watching it. You've seen my teevee blog so I know that you know that I know that you know what I mean ;).
Weird Hilly Thing #5 - Whenever a song comes on in the grocery store, drug store, or really any kind of store, I feel the need to sing along with it. I don't even care if it is a song that I hate or if Celine Dion is singing it. Not only that, but suddenly that becomes the best damned song ever made and before I know it, I'm in the middle of the Border's checkout line with a Kelly Clarkson CD in my hand. Le sigh.
Weird Hilly Thing #6 - Since we're talking about music now, I have something terrible to admit. But since that *is* the point of this whole freaking post, here goes. Whenever *I* get an earworm, especially a very heinous one, I like everyone else to get it in their heads and suffer with me! That being said, some of you were privy to my latest foray into musical madness last night, but just in case not...I give you my stinky stupid earowrm:
Weird Hilly Thing #7 - I don't follow rules all that well, as illustrated by the fact that I made up a seventh freakstick thing about me just so that I could grab your attention! Do I have it? Great, now please go over to Miss Britt's blog and show her support in whatever way you can. You see, her family lives in a small town that was destroyed by the tornado in Iowa and she immediately drove a gajillion miles to be with them. Avitable is updating her site daily, so please check in. You don't have to donate money (although there are links to do so) but please offer a hug, some support, some prayers and juju (or "JewJew", as Shiny would say) or just plain let her know that you're there. Right so, don't follow rules too well especially when my friend-loyalty comes into play. Seriously.
And....here is where the little rebel in me comes out to play. I'm not tagging anyone. Nope, not gonna do it. I will say, however, that I'd love all of you to do this! Please? For me? Okay okay, manipulation gets me nowhere, I see ;).
Today I woke up feeling sluggish. I suspected that coffee and a shower would help but even as I sit here now, my body seems to feel heavy-laden and my brain is nothing more than mush. I feel like I am staring from behind a spring haze, unable to fully focus on anything and more importantly, unable to feel many emotions. Don't get me wrong, nothing is really the matter emotionally (well you know, more than the usual). I think this might be physical. Wait, I'll *own* it....this IS physical.
You see, I'm fat.
Now now, before you roll your eyes, expecting my standard "hate the way I look" post, this isn't that. In fact, I've oddly become more and more okay with loving myself the way I am lately. I'll go into that miracle another day but today is about the physical duress that comes from being overweight. It's funny that the lovely Miss Hellohahanarf posted about this same topic today because it's been heavily (pun totally intended) on my mind as well. As a matter of fact, last night I admitted something to my friend Shiny but told him that if he told anyone else, I'd have his balls on a stick. But since Ms. Narf was so forthcoming, I shall be too..... I've rejoined Jenny Craig. (I've also got a brand new pair of roller skates but we'll save that for later!)
I wasn't going to post about it cause, yeah hi....we've seen me go up and down like a whore many many times during my blogging career. But now I want so say "so the fuck what?". I've made mistakes and been imperfect with my weight loss efforts. Fuck man, I'm human. If you think I sound defensive, I totally am. But you know what? It's not any of you that have made me feel this way...it is my own damned self. It's like I have to keep reminding myself that every failure before this one and/or every success is in the past. What matters is today and moving forward. If I don't post about this because I am afraid of what people will say when I fail, isn't that just a bullshitty self-fulfilling prophecy? Why can't I come at you with the attitude that reeks of my success instead? I can! And I am!
Those of you that were around in the winter of 2006 know just how successful I was on Jenny Craig....I lost a ton of weight and felt really good about myself. And so now we're full circle back to this...feeling good. I don't want to wake up without energy each day and feel drained just from the little things. I don't want to breathe heavily unless it has to do with sex or exercise, preferably in that order. What I *do* want is to be able to go back to Philly and run up those "Rocky Stairs" without feeling like I need to die afterwards. Sure, I did it this year (and am proud of myself) but I almost hocked up a lung as a sacrifice to the art of Frida Kahlo. I want to have pep, energy and all the great feelings that go along with that.
I want to be the best fucking me that I can be. I deserve to be the best fucking me that I can be. And you know what? I'm feeling quite happy that I actually recognize and expect more for myself in life...things are looking up!
Fifteen minutes into my latest radio show, my guest star Mr. Fabulous said, "you know this actually a fairly intelligent show so far today" as if he were pleasantly shocked. I have to say that I was tickled to hear him say that because I am really trying to be a more active host and engage my guest to the fullest. That being said, sometimes Snackie Radio is just going to be the zoo of "cockfest" that it always seems to become but I am making a very concentrated effort to make sure everyone feels happy and welcome after spending an hour in my sweet sweet embrace. I think we had a wonderful show and I cannot think Fab enough for being my guest. At one point in time, we were joined by both Karl and Turnbaby (shocker!) and let me tell you, this show zig-zagged around many different topics, but in a very non-confusing way. If I had to add tags to the show, they would be:
new relationships/moving/radio formats/cultivating closer blog relationships/ comment stats/blog circles/blog comments/avitable's halloween party/ merchandising ourselves/dying/crying/sex/fab is fucking turnbaby/ hilly is a better driver than fab/dave's tiara/pms
But hey, why don't you listen to the show for yourselves? Of course, I am adding the player to this post but there are many other ways that you can enjoy Snackie Radio. The best way is to listen live, however since the whole world does not seem to revolve around me, you can also go here to listen to or download the show. You can ALSO sign up for the Snackie Radio RSS feed and each show will dump into your feed reader each week. There's also a way to make it feed directly to your iTunes. but I don't know how!All you have to do is search for "Snackie Radio" in the iTunes Podcast Directory then hit "subscribe"!
Fair warning: the promo is hella loud for some reason!
Please join me next week when Señor Sexytat (yes, I changed it), more commonly referred to as "Vahid from Iron Fist", talks to me about freestylin' whatever ;). He's a great guy that I'm sure none of you will want to miss!
Until then, enjoy what is left of your three day weekend. For the record, I've been enjoying my down time this weekend but promise that Monday morning belongs to blog reading and commenting! Thanks again to everyone who helps make both my radio show and blog very special and happy places. I believe we'll be hitting that 15,000th comment sometime this week so don't forget to bring a towel stop by!
I've decided that from now on, when a movie or TV show makes me cry, I'm just going to let it rip....seriously. I'm always trying to hold it back or secretly wipe the tears away before anyone can see but I say, "no more!". Everybody cries, mostly. The other night I was watching the Grey's Anatomy season finale, rocking some hardcore PMS and bawling my eyes out halfway through the show....and I loved it! Now then, while it may seem like I'm a total tear slut, I'm not. Without the crazy train that is PMS, it actually takes a certain something to tug at these heart strings (although lately, my heart hasn't been too choosy).
With that said, it's time for.....
WHAT MOVIES/TV SHOWS HAVE MADE YOU CRY?
As my title may slightly suggest, the first place my memory goes when it comes to the subject of crying my ass of in a movie theater is to Titanic. I know, I know...some people thought that was the devil movie but when it came out, I was a twenty something girl who loved this movie so much that she saw it 12 times. And yes, I really did cry each time. The number one TV show responsible for my tears is that damned Extreme Makeover: Home Edition show. Holy crap, I LOVE to see what they do with the houses but I end up crying at the end of every episode...damn them and their making dreams come true bullshit! What else? Hrm, well just this last week House made me cry. I'll try to list some movies and TV shows that have softened my heart and let the waterworks flow:
Schindler's List (wins for most outbursts) Steel Magnolias Moulin Rouge Passion of the Christ The Notebook Ghost Whisperer
I'm sure there are many many more but right now these are the all that come to mind. Besides, I don't want this all to be about what *I* think...so lay it on me, freakbeaks. What movies and television shows have turned you into putty?
Yep, it's Saturday....which means I rest on my laurels by copying and pasting a bunch of stuff from *last* Saturday's post then making you all suffer through the inanity of the whole ordeal. So without further adieu, let's see what the "Radio Rock Block" lineup has in store for us this week....
I know there are a lot of shows to listen to, so please if you can only listen to one or two, go ahead. Hell, I should be solely pimping Snackie Radio in all of this but I've got more class than that...I'm a giver that way. Also, it was mentioned last week that the BlogTalk Radio circuit gets a little "incestuous" at times and truth be told, I actually agree. That's totally where *you* come in....volunteer to co-host a show and we can talk about any damned thing you want to. I'd like to totally go outside of my bubble, even though it's cozy inside too.
You know what's coming next, right? The part of the program where I show you what's who's to come then beg you, on bended knee, to sign up to be a guest star yourself! YOu can also email me privately if you either want to be a guest or have a really snazzy-assed show topic idea! Onward, ho(bag)....
JUNE 1ST - IRON FIST (AKA "CAPTAIN SEXYTAT") JUNE 8TH - MISS SHELLI (AKA "GOOGLE ME") JUNE 15TH - MAH PARTNER IN CRIME, DAVEY-JOE JUNE 22ND - TURNBABY AND HER DELICIOUS DISH JUNE 29TH - NO SHOW DUE TO BRITTCON! JULY 6TH - LUSTY AND BUSTY HELLOHAHANARF (TENTATIVELY) JULY 13TH - JULY 20TH - KARL AND HILLY, TOGETHER IN ONE HOUSE! JULY 27TH - THE SEXY SWEETHEART, MISS BRITT AUGUST 3RD - AUGUST 10TH - AUGUST 17TH - AUGUST 24TH - AUGUST 31ST -
THE COMMENT CONTEST IS IN FULL EFFECT...WILL YOU BE THE WINNER?
Last night, I could't really sleep. The cause of this either stemmed from the little nap I took or the fact that I've got a million different things running through my head. And by "things", I mean emotions mostly. I've been sitting here, counting my cards and making deals with the universe. I still have no idea who's winning. But trust me when I tell you that *my* deals that I'm making closely mirror a very fucked up version of The Secret, but I'm pretty much okay with that. Truth be told, I'm actually beyond just being "okay" with it...it's how I live or "how I roll", as the kids would say.
The midnight hour was odd in that my emotions kept going back and forth like the pendulum of suck. For all intents and purposes, I should have been drifting into a dream-filled slumber with a huge smile on my face. Instead, by the time I hit the sheets, my heart was beating so hard with the remnants of anger and frustration that I just could not calm...the...fuck...down. I felt trapped again, not only physically but emotionally. I really don't want to go into the details but I feel that my body and soul were going through this internal ultimatum at the wrong time and place and it really pissed me off. Sure, I could blame this feeling on someone else but the truth is that whatever surface stuff was thrown in my face, I could have reacted differently and perhaps saved myself the pain of a rapidly beating heart.
I hate it when I just sit there and take it rather than vehemently declare what it is that I want before letting the chips fall where they may. Sometimes I just don't want to *do* conforntation right before bed so I take the "easy road" and just say nothing when things come to pass. But after doing that, I feel so stiffled...as if the room is closing in on me and I have no capacity to get up and run away. My face starts to get hot, my body language probably suggests that you fuck off, my heart beats so hard that I feel like it's about to jump out onto the floor and I can feel hot tears on the inside. Dramatic much? Yes. How it almost really feels at the time? Yes to that too.
As I sat there last night, making my deal with the universe....closing my eyes and throwing my energy out there, I realized something. Deal or no deal, I can't get what I want from the universe just by wishing for it. I need to stand up and just say what the fuck it is that I want, especially in these trying situations. Don't get me wrong, there are still things that very much have to stay in a "wishing and dreaming" category, but those are nice things and they make my life brighter. But the poison apple type of stuff? Yeah, not so much...that shit needs to get the hell out of my life. There is no reason to crawl in your own skin. None.
Daylight Robbery Kisses Me
THE COMMENT CONTEST IS IN FULL EFFECT...WILL YOU BE THE WINNER?
Yeah yeah, I know...other people started their "100 Things About Me" lists way after I did and have already finished them. What can I say? I suck. Anyway, since I always lump my "list of 10" into categories, the theme for today is "Hilly Hodgepodge". None of this goes together like the other entries but I just wanted to write things down as they came to me and yayness...I did! Truth be told, even though yesterday I twatted that I had finished a blog post early? Yeah well...easy to do when working on it over the span of several days, adding things as they come to you. Ahem, anyway...I bring you the continuation of my ongoing list:
100 THINGS ABOUT HILLY (CONTINUED)
66. I can swallow lots of big pills at one time. Go ahead, get it out now...hardee har. Seriously though, I've seen people gag over taking an ibuprofen but *I* can put a whole bunch of big pills in my mouth and swallow them down all at the same time. No muss, no fuss...no gagging.
67. I sing in the car....like really sing. I don't just mumble along with the song while muting myself when a car pulls up beside me. Nope, I sing as loudly and awesomely as I can, no matter who is around.
68. I wake up at 6:00am almost every damned morning, without an alarm. I have no idea why my circadian rhythm hates me, but it does. I'm one of those people that loves to stay up late (especially when partying or whatnot) but the shitty kicker is that I cannot sleep in to save my life. My eyes open every day as soon as it gets light out.
69. Therefore, it may come as no surprise that I love naps. Oh my squishy yummy goodness, I love sinking into bed to take a nice cat nap. But the best ones are those where I just fall asleep on the couch on a random Saturday afternoon....mmmm, nap.
70. I fall in love easily. Most people take years or at least *one of them* to fall in love. Not me. I've always had the capacity to fall fast and hard. I think it goes along with the overly keen sense of intuition that I've mentioned here before. I think I've always been a heartbreak waiting to happen because of this.
71. I'm not afraid to cry...in front of anyone. I don't *get* holding in emotions and not being who you really are at any given moment. I let it all fly...hail the freak flag!
72. I actually DO laugh out loud at various emails, blog posts and especially chats. It sometimes unnerves me that I can't hold it in while at work, but whatever. My boss usually just laughs at *my* laughter anyway!
73. Contrary to what might be popular supposition, when someone yells at me (like full-on screaming), I don't yell back. In fact, I generally am so shocked that I'm silent, often holding back the tears. When someone calmly approaches me, even in an argumentative state, that is when I give as good as I get. But yeah, yelling makes the little Hilly cry.
74. I probably drink about 100oz. of water per day. Subsequently, I probably go to the bathroom 10.0 times a day (if not more). I'm not kidding here, either...
75. I fall asleep without taking off my makeup way too much. I'm not going to lie about it here...if I had a dollar for every night that I did not wash my face before bed? I'd be fucking rich....maybe enough to pay someone to wash it for me!
Let's see how many weeks months it takes me to get that final 25 posted! I am really going to work on it this weekend while I can just sit around and relax in the lovely sun!
WJP Kisses, Me
THE COMMENT CONTEST IS IN FULL EFFECT...WILL YOU BE THE WINNER?
Let's pretend that you're about to go through a major life change. As a result of this change, your life is pretty much free to be lived however and wherever you want it to. You can roll like a tumbleweed for maybe a moment or two but eventually? You need to settle your ass down.
Where would you live? Would you move to a place where you have family, even though they're not exactly thrilled with you at the moment? Would you go where you have lots of friends with open arms, lots of laughter and hugs to last a lifetime? Would you just open a map, point, and go to some random spot? Do you think practically or do you, for once, through the restraints of practicality out of the window and start living your life exactly the way you want to and where you want to?
I'd love to know what *you* would do....yanno, hypothetically.
When I left my house this morning, I was thinking a lot about self-deprecation and why we all do it so much. What I'm starting to notice is this trend of "putting myself down before you can do it" and you know what? It sucks to feel that way. Before anyone starts reminding me that I just "windexed" the glass house that I live in, I am well aware that there is a little pot/kettle action going on right now. Then again, how can you really and deeply recognize something in another person when you've not been the same way yourself? Some may come and argue that you can but today, that's not the case.
I cannot count how many times I've referred to myself as "my fat ass" or something similar. I'd need twenty million abacuses to figure out the mathematics involved in how many times I've used humor to deflect, sarcasm to hide or any other number of random things that I can do in order to make sure that you don't hurt me. The funny thing is....you're probably not the one that's going to hurt me at all. Still, because I want you to like me or need you to love me, I want to hide behind my prickly skin...you know, the one where nothing bothers me as long as *I* say it first.
I've been trying to determine whether it is always about protecting myself though...sometimes I make jokes at my own expense because they're funny. If I can't laugh at myself then what the hell is life going to be like in the long run? Trust me, no one wants to see stressed out Hillymonster who lives in a land of self-flagellating her mistakes away. Hrm, something about that seemed a little bit sexy and hot but it probably shouldn't, right? In any case, it seems to me that my intention is what I should be looking at....am I immediately defending myself with humor just to save myself from your ridicule because I need your approval? Or....am I just being a silly Hilly who is having a good time with herself?
I'm reflecting upon this today and wondering where we all draw that line in the sand. I know that when I watch others do it, I just want to hug them and say that I love them no matter what their flaws are. I want to empathize and let them know that their hearts and souls are safe with me. But then again, I don't want them to soften just for me when the world can be a cruel place. I'd feel shitty for taking away someone's hard candy shell....or would I? Hrm, thoughts?
Sorry, I'm just like Britt....whenever someone says "okay, here's the situation", I immediately turn into The Fresh Prince. Cause yanno, I'm fly like that. Oy, even *I* shook my head at that one.
Anyway, on Saturday I briefly mentioned that I am coming up on my 15,000th comment here at Snackie's World. I know that some of you look at that and think "how quaint" while others think "holy shit, that's a lot" while I remain in the middle realizing that it's all relative. Okay, who am I kidding? That's a lot! I'm often surprised by the fact that people not only want to actually read what I have to say but also care to comment often enough to let me know that my voice is being heard. It astounds me, this world of blogging. Sometimes I wonder if I should throw it all away but then I remember the sense of community gained through it all and remember why I am here....
I've gained three best friends. I've changed by stance on having female friends. I've lost my breath and found butterflies in my tummy. I've found creative solutions to problems which I thought would never end. I've learned about different cultures, races and religions. I've seen people rally together to help those in need here in Blogistan. I've witnessed the birth of careers, friendships, and even love affairs But most importantly....
I found my voice. I realized that I am worthy of love and being loved. I'm reminded that I am beautiful and sexy. I've been challenged. I've been praised and I've been lambasted. I remembered that I love creative writing. I've decided that I am strong enough to change my life for the better. And...I've realized that life is too short to accept mediocrity whether it be in love or anything else.
All of this? Through blogging.
Are these things I could have come up with on my own, without a blog? Of course they are...but I tell you what, it would have taken a lot longer. The best thing about blogging for me, other than the interpersonal relationships that I've made, is the rampant diversity in my readers/commenters. I can bleed my life onto this page when all seems lost and have ten different people tell me ten different ways to cope, five different people willing to virtually hold my hand, and three different people who have immediately attached their phone to their ears and are ready to call me. It's a beautiful thing and I just want to say...
I am thankful for all of you....much more than words can ever say.
So much so that I'll be pimping up the "Snackie's World 15,000th Comment Giveaway Extravaganza" throughout the month of May and maybe beyond. I won't tell you what comment we are on now but sufficed to say, one of you will "hit that" before June is over (but probably much sooner). What could possibly be a prize? Well, you will have to wait and see. But I'll give you a hint...it will be awesome. And the best part is that you really don't have to do anything other than what you've already been doing!
By the way, that's not really how I feel...at all. I just thought it was a way to grab your attention. Do I have it? Good. Anyway, as I mentioned in my post yesterday, there will be a special show on Turnbaby Talks tonight where Turnbaby, Britt and I discuss man bashing. When I was at a loss for what to make this week's Snackie Sunday about, my amazing friend suggested that I bring up this same topic so that I had some extra knowledge and differing ideas to bring to the table. Well, I mean...I can express that they are *others* ideas but not claim them as my own, since I'm pretty much set in my ways on this subject!
That means it's time for....
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MAN BASHING?
For example, is saying "all men are fucking dogs" just a humor thing to you or are you against stuff like that? Do you and your friends like to sit around and bash on men in general or are you soooo over it? And while we're at it, since I have men that read this blog too....what do you men think of women who do nothing but man bash?
Here's my thought on the matter...it is not cool to bash on all men just because one turns out to be a total asshole. Yes, men can be pigs but here's a newsflash...so can women. Every fault that a man has, a woman has the same potential. It really solves nothing and gets people nowhere. And...last but certainly not least, it takes a small amount of mental prowess to call men "fucking dogs" or use other profanity to bash them. However, it takes real character to dig down deep and figure out why someone is the way they are or, more importantly, why you are allowing this obviously horrible type of person into your life.
I'll be quiet now because I want to save some of it for the radio show AND I don't want to make anyone feel bad if they are the type of person who engages in this sort of activity. I just have way too many other things to worry about (and gossip about), truth be told. But as always, every opinion is welcome here. My motto, as you know, is live and let live.
I know that every Saturday I come to my ever so humble blog abode and talk
about the same freaking thing....my radio show. However, this week I thought
I'd be altruistic to my Blog Talk Radio posse (what is with me and the word
"posse" lately?) and tell you about *everyones* radio shows, which I now deem
The Sunday Radio Rock Block! While I know a lot of you can't listen live, I
hope many of you can....but if you are one of those people that actually has
things to do outside of your computer, you can always catch the archives,
right? So without further adieu, I present to you....
So strap in, grab some coffee or a cocktail, and come join us for what I am
sure will be hilarity and hijinks. Okay okay, I really just wanted to be able
to say "hijinks" today. But still....it will be fun. You can click on any of
the show names above to set up a reminder just in case you're a little busy
and/or forgetful like me!
Now then, here is how the future of Snackie Radio is holding up....I have
quite a few people that have volunteered to be guest stars after I threatened
their private parts asked them politely. As always, I am offering you any time
slot you want, just let me know. I am really trying to get diversity on my
radio show so maybe YOU want to step up to the plate and be Hilly's little
star! Anyway onward, ho....
MAY 25TH - THE IRREVERANT MR.
FABULOUS JUNE 1ST - IRON FIST, THE
SEXIEST TATOO ARTIST AROUND JUNE 8TH - MISS SHELLI (AKA "GOOGLE
ME") JUNE 15TH - MAH PARTNER IN CRIME, DAVEY-JOE JUNE 22ND - TURNBABY AND HER DELICIOUS DISH JUNE 29TH - NO SHOW DUE TO BRITTCON! JULY 6TH - LUSTY
AND BUSTY HELLOHAHANARF
(TENTATIVELY) JULY 13TH - JULY 20TH - KARL AND HILLY, TOGETHER IN
ONE HOUSE! JULY 27TH - THE SEXY SWEETHEART, MISS BRITT AUGUST 3RD - AUGUST 10TH - AUGUST 17TH -
If I asked you to be on the show and you answered yet don't see your name
here, it's only because I am scatterbrained...not because I am a huge bitch who
is ignoring you! Please let me know if you want to be on the show and I will
make it happen, baby! Until then...
David Tennant Kisses,
Me
RANDOM: WE'RE COMING UP ON MY 15,000th COMMENT...WILL IT BE YOU? WILL THERE BE A PRIZE? STAY TUNED....
As I was leaving work yesterday, my boss asked what I was doing this weekend. Sometimes I detest it when people who always have exciting weekend plans ask me what *I* am doing. Oh sure yes, you are going snowboarding and river rafting this weekend? Me, I'll be at home logged on to radio shows all day Sunday while eating cupcakes, thanks. But he asked, so I told him the truth....
"Oh, you know", I said, "taking care of projects around the house and catching up on household improvements".
The thing about that is..."projects" is a code word for "attempting to whittle down my DVR" and "household improvements" is code for "wading through the suitcases I've not unpacked yet and the piles and piles of laundry I've not touched in weeks". Seriously, there is laundry strewn out on every level of this place and my kitchen? Holy hell, it's squalor. You may not know this about me, but I don't do well in messy living spaces. In fact, it sort of skeeves me out a little bit to be surrounded by junk...not *funk*, mind you....just clutter and clothes. It used to be that I would come home and immediately make sure the house was pristine. Why? Because I could not relax if anything was out of place. Hi, OCD much? Of course these days, I'm giving obsessive compulsives a totally bad name.
My problem today, right this minute, this second....I have not had a weekend at home for awhile and I am starting to lose my composure. I need some time to decompress and I fully intend to take advantage of the fact that this weekend is really and truly all about Hilly. Now then, while you may think that two weekends of hot drunken madcap action is also all about Hilly, well....yes, yes it is. However that's a whole other side of me...the more public side. The duality of my personality is that I love routine. I don't know if it stems from having anxiety disorder or is just a random fact of my life, but I thrive on my little routine. Sure, time after time I add and subtract elements from that routine but basically I need a little rigidity to make it through my days (TWKS).
So because I've been doing some other things at night (which are pretty much now my new routine because they're all good things), I've actually lagged on my teevee watching. Quick, grab the thermometer again and get yourself to the fainting chair...I've honestly watched maybe 4 hours of teevee in two weeks. Do you know how *little* that is for me? The scary thing is that I'm pretty much okay with it. Hell, I found out who won Survivor, America's Next Top Model and The Bachelor by asking other people to recount the shows to me...I just don't care to watch crap to fill my time anymore. Wait, who said that?
So this weekend, I get back to my old routine while incorporating my new one. Saturday will be filled with lots of hot, dirty laundry action as well as finally unpacking my suitcase. I plan on clearing the *good* shows off of my DVR by watching them and just plain deleting the crap I no longer have use for. Sunday will be a day of total rest and relaxation until the radio rock block begins. I will make the official "Guide to Sunday Radio" post tomorrow but just so you know....I somehow managed to sucker Avitable into being my guest star this week on Snackie Radio!!! I cannot *wait* to see how crazy this show gets (especially since I bet Britty Lurlene shows up). So yeah, good times....
Would you hate it if I asked what YOU are doing this weekend? Cause you can totally tell me if you want to but if you're anything like me, you may not want to answer (especially if it involves more ass time than action time). Either way, I hope it is a good one for all! I'll me maxing & relaxing while couching & slouching.
Nothing has changed....no drastic weight loss, no plastic surgery (not that I want it), no new miracle hairdo, nothing. I made myself the promise at the beginning of the week to knock my shit off and try to not only do things to move forward with life but also to look at things differently. Truth be told, half of me wondered if I could pull it of but luckily the determined half seems to be winning the race. That in itself may be more of a shocker than the fact that I feel pretty inside and out.
But seriously, I've been thinking about this a lot. So many of us wait until that one thing about ourselves that we hate gets fixed before we allow ourselves to feel beautiful. I'm almost beginning to think that it's the ugliness inside that shrouds our souls much more than the imperfections outside. While it's true that we may have that something about us that never is quite right, it's how we deal with it that makes all the difference.
When I was a teenager, I wore shirts that looked like cloth boxes....anything that was big enough to "hide my fat". Because yanno....clearly that works. I walked with my head down and remember being timid whenever pretty people came around. As it is in most our our high school years, the self-conscious nag inside of me was at its all time best, constantly telling me that as I walked down the hall, everyone was thinking about (and mocking) just how fat I was. Oh and, I was a size 12 then....just so we put this in relative terms.
As an adult, I've swayed back and forth between accepting the part of me that is beautiful and trying to hide behind the mask of fat that protects me from every getting too close or too hurt. It's not this big conscious thing where I feel I don't lose weight because I am afraid or anything like that. It's more like the weight is a catalyst which deems whether or not I am allowed to love myself. It's sick and it's wrong.
A comment was made behind my back about the fact that I think I am so cute, wearing my "boobie shirts" and flitting around like I am something special. For a moment, it bothered me...but only for a moment. I had to realize that the person who made this comment had no idea where I come from. She has no idea about the daily internal struggles that hopefully lead to the self-confidence to shake what God made me and do it with pride. Have I mentioned that I'm somehow much more forgiving of asstardery than I have been in the past as well? Quick, someone grab a thermometer.
There was a point here that somehow got lost in descriptives....
Oh yes....lately I've been feeling beautiful. I do my hair and my makeup, look in the mirror and actually think, "you're quite pretty today". I've been walking with my head held high, wearing my cute clothes and smiling at every stranger that passes me. It doesn't even matter what I look like to others on the outside; it's what I look like to myself on the inside. The part of me that is strong and confident is winning for the first time in a very very very long time. She's done being bitch slapped into submission. All she wants is to shine.
Ironically, that subject-line is a "that's what she said" just waiting to happen...
Anyway, hey it's May! That means it's time for yet another blogger to become my coveted Blogger of the Month. Just *how* coveted is definitely up for debate but let's move on from stroking my ego, shall we? I'd like to stroke someone else's for a change. Last month, I swore that this month's recipient would not be a man. In fact, I was a little worried about Britt's reputation, what with being surrounded by a bunch of hot guys. However, this certain someone caught my attention by making me laugh and truly cry all in the same month. As a result, he also made me change my mind about my own little sexist rules.
As I've said before, there are no prerequisites for what makes someone my Blogger of the Month. One month it could be about how well a person waxes prosaic while
another it could simply be that their layout did not bug the shit out
of me. This month I picked a person who is just good at being himself (inside and out) on his blog and truth be told, I find that refreshing.
I woke up this morning and realized that I don't even know who I am. Yet again.
It's not like this is such the revelation anymore as it seems that lately, as I shed my skin, new parts of me arrive and I have to figure out how exactly to make it all work. Part of me sits with my foot dangling in a pool of leafy water very well knowing that there is no way in hell I will go back in. I have no idea why...but I can't seem to take my foot out of that water. Okay maybe I do know why...maybe what one knows is much easier than the unknown. I mean, duh....of course it is.
Some things are easy....I woke up and thought, "Wow I really don't like that I accidentally said this and that yesterday so I need to watch myself even when drinking". The easy solution to that is to not drink so fucking much when out of town having fun or to really get a grip on what I say. I'll tell you this honest factoid...half of the time I'm probably saying stuff just to be cute and yet it comes out all fucked up anyway. I must remember that I am not that cute all of the time ;). I know someone thinks that my solution to this whole paragraph would be just to not drink but...have you met me?
Along with easy things come the harder ones....parts of my soul whisper softly to me that going away again, on a retreat, just solidified all of the same stuff that I've been mulling over for the last year. I don't want to go on and on about the stuff because it's tired and has been hashed over more times that breakfast potatoes. It's about the stagnancy of dreaming about what I want to do in my head versus actually doing it. Of course, constantly rehashing my stagnancy is the ironic part in all of this.
I guess I am just saying that I realize that over the last year or so, I've been lamenting and talking about the same crap over and over. I also realize that you all have put up with me without constantly just shaking me and telling me to stop whining and do something already. I know, I know...you all *thought* it but were kind enough not to say so ;). So as of today, I am making myself a promise that I'd like everyone else to witness.
I'm going to fix things. I'm going to do it one step at a time, however things are going to change. I'm starting on the inside and hoping that works its way out as well. Today's change is realizing that I can only talk about stuff so much before it becomes imperative for me to do something lest I let my life pass me by while not living it. I'm calling myself to action by giving myself the proverbial bitch slap that I need.
I don't know what this all means or where this all leads but I am finally willing to suck it up, feel the fear and move the hell forward.
We all
come from somewhere, right? As we grow older, the traits that we have
inherited from each of our parents become more distinctive and we are
prone to say, "Oh my god, I am *so* being Dad right now!" or
vice versa. But today is about Mommies world wide so let's talk about
them. Now while we've all inherited many traits from our Mom's, today
you can only choose one! Of course I am well aware that you might
answer this differently on another day so just choose what comes to
mind first:
WHAT *ONE* TRAIT DID YOUR MOTHER HAND DOWN TO YOU THAT YOU ARE MOST GRATEFUL FOR TODAY?
(physical, emotional, mental, blah blah)
For all of her other faults, my mother is a brilliant woman. So
just for today, I am thankful that "smart gene" was passed on to me and
that I am not stupid stupid stupid! She used to be very clever and witty and man could she pull a retort out of the air in mere seconds....I think I've definitely inherited the "quick comeback" from her as well.
Right, I know...we just HAD a confession booth in March and I usually wait about six months. However, TequilaCon just happened and also spring is in the air so we really need to get some shit off of our chests, right? Indeedy! Some of you know and love the Confession Booth posts whereas others of you are "new" to my blog since the last shindig. Either way, it's all good because I am going to tell you how to play along! My dirty whorish ass needs this and I hope all of you get a good load
off of your shoulders as well. I like it when a lot of people play, even when they confess silly things, sorta like when Dave confesses that he is awesome. Uh yeah, duh ;).
You can see previous Confession Booths here, here, here and here!
As I do every time, I will now post a snippet that was included in the
very first confession booth post so that you know how it all works.
So I got to thinking.....we need a good old, soul cleansing confessional here in the PRB. Of course, if you want to talk about
crazy things that have major psychological depth, Post Secret
always loves to hear from people. But what about the small stuff?
Life's aggravations, accomplishments, random thoughts, and various
other things that we never admit to anyone?
Well, that is where the "Snackie Confession Booth"
comes into play! You are welcome to come here and confess to
something, no matter how big or small. If you want to get real deep
and do so anonymously, I won't out you. If you want to be "yourself"
and talk about random stuff that you would just LOVE to confess, dig
it....and then do it!
Everyone is welcome! In fact, tell your friends to swing by and let
a load off of their chests, if only for a moment. You can confess to
one thing, two things or many things and can come by as many times as
you like!
IMPORTANT ADDITION: If you want to comment anonymously, please use a fake email address such as [email protected] and you can use www.snackiepoo.com as your URL or it will revert to the one you have used here before!
Little
do you know that I often post anonymous comments as well....sometimes I
just need to get things out without worrying about prying eyes. As
usual, my confessions will be in comments and I'll agree with half the
things you say either cause I am a joiner OR cause I totally "get"
you. Please know that every time one of you comments, I nod my head
because I truly understand.
Now...get to confession before your soul can no longer be saved ;).
I was thinking about doing another TequilaCon wrap-up post that was chock full of amazing and amusing anecdotes but it seems like I've already peed my pants about five times tonight reading everyone else's posts. So I tell you what...I'll get my gibberish out of the way then link you to a magical world of crazy drunken antics. Oh and I mean "fucking certifiably crazy".
But before that, I'd like to bring myself to a mellow and talk about some of the more emotional aspects of this weekend as I am often prone to do. Unbelievably, between the booze, boobie shots, hiding from Karl's flashing, constant twattering and other fun sightseeing things....I learned a lot about myself. In fact, I think I was so busy cultivating my guts that I forgot to take pictures...I have a few of the pre-con but that's really it. But anyway, let's talk innards....
I hate being this fat. I'm actually working on it and was starting to lose weight right before leaving for Philly but obviously not enough to take away the extra pounds gained from last year before the big day. So no matter how many of you want to roll your eyes at me and tell me to shut the fuck up, I'm just being honest. There was a genuine worry on my part that feeling that way about myself would affect me more than the actual weight itself so I tried really hard to just get over it and let my light shine. I think I did a pretty good job of it. It's easy around this specific group of bloggers because not one of them, that I know of anyway, was even phased by that shit. So I don't really want to dwell on that aspect too much except to say that for some reason, while super fucking drunk, it did.
I was a little lost for awhile at TequilaCon, not really knowing who to talk to...not because I had no one to talk to but because there were so many great people that I felt a bit overwhelmed. Yes, the secret is out...even extroverts can often feel like hiding in the corner for five quiet minutes. I went outside to "make out" a lot (our code for smoking) because most of the people I know really well smoke and it was sort of a mini haven at points. Okay fine dammit, and I smoked too...yeah yeah, drunk smoking.
Not a lot of people know this but something happened at one point in the night that hurt my feelings...we'll just say that I overheard something that I wish I hadn't. I wanted to walk away and just say "whatever" but I found myself running to the first person who I thought would be nice to me and somehow that person ended up being Shiny. Don't get me wrong...it's not that I didn't think Shiny was the awesome right out of the gate but I guess I would have expected myself to run to someone else...they were all busy or outside "making out". Not to imply that Shiny was sloppy seconds or anything ;).
The point is that the conversation I had with Shiny led to tears and as soon as that happened, he took my hand and led me down the flight of stairs faster than anything I've ever seen. We then proceeded to talk about tons of stuff for over an hour, I'd guess...hell if I know, time just flew by. In that hour I learned more about myself than I had all day...it was good to just sit in the moment and be quiet after a night of being a loud mouth crazy woman who checked her shyness at the departure gate at John Wayne Airport, Terminal A. It was great to just breathe and say some things I'd needed to tell *someone* for such a long time.
Why this story? Well Shiny himself opened up about being a shy introverted person on his blog post tonight and I thought I'd talk a little about what it's like to be an outgoing extrovert. Of course there are differences but I think when it all comes down to it, we're all just looking for a quiet room, a quiet mind and someone who gets us, even if it's just for that singular moment in time.
Tomorrow I will talk about what it's like to find women that you click with when you were pretty convinced that you were the type of chick who didn't really "do" girls (that's what Karl said). Then later in the week, I'll talk about meeting big named bloggers and what they're really like. Everyone else is blowing the whistle on the embarrassing antics...but I'm getting to the creamy center, one post at a time.
If you want laughs, I suggest you read through my Google Reader Shared Items, which are pretty much all the crazy hijinks of bloggers...you can go from there directly to their pages and I really suggest it. I cannot stop laughing and peeing and laughing and peeing.
Just like almost everyone else who just returned from TequilaCon '08, I'll do a brief little synopsis then get into it more later on. Now you may wonder why I am pussing out and doing a mini post and why they hell I did not blog all weekend. Well, perhaps if you read my short list of things that I do know and/or remember, that will help!
▪ Signs made for me by Karl, Avi, Britt, Becky, Poppy and Dawg that said things like "Welcome Hilly" and "We love you Hilly".
▪ The aforementioned group being my crew this whole weekend, with the addition of Shiny, starting on Saturday. We all PPH Shiny and his "morning after" video a lot!
▪ Elbowing Avi in the crotch.
▪ Speaking of Avi....learning that *I* had the power to skeeve him out! Me!
▪ Going to bed at 5am Saturday night/Sunday morning.
▪ Drinking 4 shots of tequila and 10 margaritas at the actual event. Friday night's booze was 4 lemon drops, 2 tequila shots and one blue crab thing.
▪ Showing my boobs....a lot.
▪ Losing my voice...now completely.
▪ Being completely taken by surprise in a good way.
▪ Karl's "showing of the cock" on video (you may have all heard Jester's recordings and will probably see video chez Avi).
▪ Karl doing other unmentionable things...well, they're mentionable but they are his stories to tell.
▪ Hiking around Philly with Shiny looking for a metal box with wheels.
▪ Running (ish) to the top of the "Rocky Balboa" stairs at the museum.
▪ Meeting wonderful new people who took me by storm and immediately got knighted into the circle. (sarcasm, but there actually IS a picture).
▪ Seeing old friends, adding in the new friends and sharing in a drunken magical evening that rocked the cock.
▪ Realizing that I really can be friends with women and am now missing and adoring them very much.
I'm sure there's more but as I mentioned...yeah, the last time I went to bed it was Sunday morning at 5am and I got maybe 4 hours of sleep if that. I am running on fumes and want to check out blogs so more to come....I know they are starting a picture pool on Flickr if you want to check it out.
I have a friend who's really into having these existential conversations and although sometimes it can be interesting, it's generally not. Like earlier this week when she said, "Wow...so much hoopla over an event that will be over faster than it occurs." I'm still not quite sure how the hell that's possible but erm, I caught her drift. That's the thing about life though....sometimes having things to look forward to for awhile is what makes everything so damned exciting. I've never been capable of being matter-of-fact about big trips or events and I'm okay with that!
In case you haven't heard, it's TequilaCon weekend and by the time you read this, I will be on a plane zooming from one coast to another, hopefully lost in a book or sleeping. My flight leaves at 6:45 AM, which means that I have to get up at the ass-crack of dawn in order to get to the airport on time. I see a lot of Starbucks in my future. I'm hoping that the day starts off with as much peace and tranquility that I've had over the last week. Sure, there have been moments where people have pissed me off but the really important thing that I want to talk about is that I've not been pissed off at *myself*.
That's right...I let it all go. I decided that belaboring things that were not going to change immediately was just making it harder for me to actually change them. Something about not seeing the forest for the trees of some such bullshit. When I went clothes shopping the other day, it wasn't just the usual episode of me thinking over and over again that I hated myself and my body and becoming pissy because nothing looked right. I actually had a lot of success finding cute stuff and I wonder if half of that was my attitude allowing some goodness in. Yesterday as I sat in the pedicure chair, I wasn't annoyed, which I usually am. I have a hard time sitting still so pedicures, although they produce a wonderful resort, are torture for me normally. But yesterday I was thankful to be there...grateful to have a port in the storm that was my busy day and super happy to be able to clear my mind. I realized that when I used to get them all the time, I lost appreciation for them because it was more like a chore than a treat. In those moments I realized the biggest revelation of all....
In the last year, due to stuff with my marriage and money, I've been knocked down quite a few pegs and humbled greatly. It's not as if I'd been some snotty ass person before but well, everything seemed easy. However, with humbleness comes a whole new appreciation for everything taken advantage of in the past. I love seeing thing with new eyes. I'm happy. Wait, who said that?
Oh right, it was this girl from TequilaCon 2007 (please see last year's collage-y picture so you'll know what sorts of hijinks to expect this year!):
So off I go to see some of the people who make me the happiest. Off I go to be in a place where I feel safe and truly loved. Off I go to let my guard down and just fucking be me. I'll see you on the flip side where I am sure some lovely crazy stories will reside. (Oooh, I am a poet!) Holy fuckstick, I'm excited!!! Let's see who I can get to lick me this year.....
If you want a blow by blow (that's what she said) of events as they are unfolding, you can follow me or subscribe to the RSS feed of my Twitter.
I blatantly and unashamedly stole this post idea from Miss Anne Derstood. I was tooling around the Internets, intent on making a more serious post before taking off tomorrow but eh....I will worry about that tonight. For now....
It's Miss Anne Derstood's "Fill-In-The-Blanks-Why-Dontcha?" comment game:
1. Hilly is ______________.
2. But I am _______________.
3. Just once, I'd like to ________________.
4. I wish I'd ______________ when I was younger.
5. I regret that I once ______________.
6. I love to _____________________.
7. ________________ makes me really fucking mad.
8. ______________ is Stoo-pid.
9. As a special treat, I often like to ______________.
10. You will never see a picture of me __________________.
All you do is fill in the blanks...see how simple it all is? I will answer in comments as well but later...I don't want to taint anyones answers. Hrm, I sure have used the phrase "taint your answers" a lot lately. Must look into that.....
And now for a radio promo that Jester made for me....bwahaha, I only said that NSFW phrase ONE time!
Since we're coming to the end of April and I didn't even meet half of the GBBMC quota that I wanted to, I thought I'd make today the day to talk about the one time I plucked a dude's cherry...or whatever they call it when you de-flower something with a penis. While this story is only a little graphic, I still want to warn you that this is not the most PG post that ever lived on Snackie Street. Right, I know that most of my posts aren't but this is a different kind of naughtiness so I thought you should be warned!
Let's get to the plucka-lucka-ding-dong now, shall we?
Picture it: Modesto, California, somewhere in the late 90's. For those of you not familiar with California's vast geographical map, Modesto is a small central California town where there is just not a lot to do. At the time, I was still in nursing school and was a Certified Nurses Assistant at a retirement home. Oh the joys. It was there that I met Bobby.
"Bobby, I think I've got propane in my urethra."
Uh anyway, Bobby was fresh out of high school, a little bit geeky, a little bit naive and a whole lot of virgin. He was my buddy at work even though he was a good 10 years younger than I. We'd always hang out but there was always that flirty thing that I really pictured going nowhere cause he was only 18...gasp! But as time moved forward, I'd spend my time charting in the dark rec room lying down with my head on his lap...picture Grey's Anatomy but so not even close to that cool. He'd play with my hair and we'd talk but it never went further than that.
Oh and did I mention that his mom was my charge nurse? Ahem.
One day, a bunch of people from work were helping me move into a new apartnemt and Bobby was one of them. As a "thank you", I made sure that everyone was plied with lots of pizza and booze. Because I knew Bobby's mom, I did not let him have shit to drink but yanno how it goes...somewhere somehow the kid got into the booze. (I laugh that I am now calling him "the kid"). Once everyone was pretty lit and doing their own thing like playing cards or Sonic the Hedgehog, I went into my room with a few folks to smoke a bowl and chit chat. Soon Bobby followed us in and the night progressed.
By the time everyone left and there was no way in hell I was going to drive Bobby anywhere, we just laid down on my bed to talk or whatever. Keep in mind that I really had no idea anything was going to happen even at this pont. Suddenly a conversation was brewing about crushes and kissing and before I knew it, Bobby had clamped his mouth onto mine and was sweeping me away with the passion of his youth. At that moment, I thought, "Fuck it...I'm taking a young boy's virginity tonight!".
I should have realized that those words would live to haunt me.
Here's how it went...hot and heavy kissing (mmm, yum), more hot and heavy petting (mmm, double yum, I've got a young stud into me), a little awkwardness at the nipple licking (hrmmm, well I can teach him) and then it happened. He got on top of me, stuck his dick between in the fold between my thigh and actual vagina, moved up a down a bit, told me how good it felt to be inside of me, and just as I started to tell him that he was fucking my leg, he came. Then he fell to the side of me and immediately started snoring.
And that's what it's like to take a young man's special little gift.
If you think this story ended abruptly, then imagine what it was like that night. I left feeling exactly like this.
This is a post meant for the Grassroots Blogger Book Marketing Campaign 2008, and is meant to generate donations forRAINN -The Rape Abuse and Incest National Network. You can visit the pagefor all the information you need about RAINN and the campaign.
DONATE TO RAINN HERE. When you donate, please make sure you reference “GBBMC2008,” and include my name (Hilly Carnes) and blog name (Snackie's World).
I'm not quite sure when it started but I'm guessing it was always there, even from birth. Like most things, however, it wasn't really recognizable until I had matured and started seeing the pattern. At first I wasn't sure and I wanted to keep record of all occurrences just so that I could make a bold statement using the word "never", which is a huge rarity for me. So for years, I kept trying and trying yet I'd get the same results every time. I think by about age 30 is when I realized that it was my "thing", if you will. What the hell am I talking about?
I. never. win. anything.
Those of you who think this post is fueled by the recent announcement of Dave's Blogiversary winners would be right however....let me fully explain. This isn't about me whining that I didn't win because let's face it, that is soooo not my style. I can buy things from the Artificial Duck Store when it opens AND I already know when he is coming to visit my neck of the woods so yeah, I am all good there. However, when I diligently emailed him every day, making sure to cross my t's and dot my i's, part of me laughed inside because I knew that there was no way in hell that I was going to win a damned thing. This is not a complaint; it's simply a fact. When it comes to raffles, contests, drawings and anything similar to that...I have never once been the winner. And I really do mean "never".
However, let's look at the flip side of this coin, shall we? Every time I go to Vegas and play the slots, I do win. As a matter of fact, it's been said that I am the opposite of a "cooler". One reason for this is that the last time we stayed at the MGM Grand, I would follow pretty much the same pattern every day.....wake up, get dressed, go down the elevators and cut through the progressive slot room to get to the Starbucks inside the casino. I shit you negative, every morning when I walked by the machines, someone would win a huge payout. Also, it's not like I was waking up at the same time every day either....I was a little good luck charm, I was! But anyway, so yeah....I always always always win at least $1000 when playing slots.
So what in the hell is the universe trying to tell me here? I mean, talk about mixed messages....how can a woman like me win at slots every time yet never ever ever get her name picked out of a fucking hat? It baffles the mind.
As usual, put Jester and Hilly on the same radio show, add sugar and spice, stir violently, and you end up with a totally NSFW mess! And by "mess" I mean "dirty fun". I don't know how we went from innocently planning a NorCal gathering to horses to underpants to blow jobs and back to baby powder. Of course when Turnbaby (the horse whisperer) and Shiny (Mr. Thrid Person) called in, it all went to hell in a double-wide hand basket. I really have to warn you that when someone like *me* says NSFW, you really need to hide the kids before listening!
Here are the links to some of the things mentioned in the show:
